Knowing v. Feeling Faith

I've been neglectful of this blog because, quite frankly, I've had very little to say on faith at this time. I feel like I've been beating a dead horse, and well, what's the point?

My personal life has taken more intense directions recently and continues to be difficult, which is probably why I'm writing what I'm writing.

When I was 19 years old I went on a unique mission trip experience. American Baptist International Ministries had a program (still have, amazingly) called Xtreme Team that was for 19 through 29 year olds to experience mission. Team members went to a random country for a month and a half, and saw the different aspects of mission. In particular, members would wake up and not know where they'd be sleeping that night, what they would eat, or where they were going. It was a kind of let-tomorrow-take-care-of-itself/lilies-of-the-field thing.

Through this experience, I changed. I learned that I didn't need to have everything right then. I didn't need to know what would happen right then. I just needed to trust.

The problem is when you reach a point of Job like proportions, it's hard to trust that God will take care of you. It's hard to know that everything will work out.

Last night I had a long conversation with my brother about some of the things going on in each of our lives. At the end, I told him, "No matter how things go, everything will be okay. You'll be alright." I couldn't help but feel the irony of me telling him the very thing I need to feel deep in my bones.

I know, and my brother probably knows, that everything will be alright. While he didn't go to Central America and wonder what Xtreme thing he'd do like I did in 2002, he has lived enough to know. We adults all have. But knowing and feeling are two different things.