A Brief Testimony

I'm sorry this has been a bit late. If you follow my other blogs you know this past week has been nothing short of CRAZY, which is why I decided to make this particular post.

Typically I'd post about institutional issues in churches and faith organizations, or doxis, or praxis, or something related to belief systems. In short, normally I write about BIG things here.

But this is a small thing.

Well, not to me. It's not a small thing to anyone who experiences similar situations. It's actually the biggest and most important thing in the world. It just happens to affect only a few people....superficially anyway.

I mean about my personal faith. I am speaking, of course, of the overwhelming response I received after blogging about my husband losing his job on another of my blogs. In fact, it was so big, I actually had strangers from pregnancy forums offering to buy us baby gear. And then of course, there were other things that were happening. My readership jumped on my blogs - in a fairly big way. Then people were asking me what they could do, so I told them they could look for jobs for my husband (or at least keep an eye out) and buy and rate/review my latest book. Well, we had several jobs come at us from this. A few people bought my book (not anything huge, but still - more than before).

Then yesterday Christian had an interview, and got leads on other jobs (and for other news on this you'll have to visit Raising An Alien). My mother confided something to me which surprised me greatly - something that coincided with a personal goal I'd made months ago and largely forgotten.

These things are not coincidence.

I share this with you because in one of our darkest hours, we were bathed in light. We were not forsaken. Love, care, and compassion came at us from even the most unexpected places in small, and sometimes huge ways. While our journey is far from over, and the obstacles are not completely overcome, I know everything will not only be alright, but amazing - fantastic - awe-inspiring. The reason I know this is because I do not believe we could have experienced all this but through the grace of God. I have had many difficult experiences, however this one was the most frightening (initially) because of the baby. And I didn't have to worry. Everything was taken care of, and in more wondrous ways than I could imagine.

And honestly, I'm pretty excited to see what's in store. I have a good feeling.

Titles Don't Make Leaders

"What does it take to be a leader?" This could easily be an opening line of a college business 201 class, however leadership isn't something reserved for business. It's something that has a place in social, political, and cultural life as well. Leadership is most especially something important to communities of faith.

In the past weeks my own spiritual journey has brought me into contact with several leadership styles and conflicts in leadership. It reminded me that faith communities need to remember several things.

Just because you have been given a leadership title does NOT make you a leader. You are not entitled to respect because you have the title. I can be given the title of CEO at a tech company in Silicon Valley, but believe me, I would have no idea the specifics of that company's needs and therefore could not lead effectively.

Leadership requires knowledge. You need to know something about the area your group is addressing. So if you're the chair of the stewardship committee, you should probably have at least have a vague understanding of where revenue streams come from in a faith community and how you might go about getting more.

But this isn't the only kind of knowledge you need to be a leader. A leader needs to be able to command people. This means they should know how to facilitate a meeting, for example. They should know how to direct people to a task and keep them on task.

Additionally, a leader often has certain qualities that distinguish him or her from the group. They likely have charisma - something that automatically draws people in. Often times when a leader walks into a room, you know it. Their presence speaks before they open their mouths.  Leaders have confidence. They make decisions, delegate, and execute. They don't hem and haw and waste time. If a mistake is made, they accept it, re-evaluate, change and move on. Leaders are assertive. They see something that needs to be addressed, and they take initiative and get it done. Leaders need to be comfortable addressing a group of people. A certain amount of extroversion is useful. How can you expect a group of people to follow you if you won't get up in front of people and be the example?

Now these qualities are of a natural leader. Let's face it - some leaders are born. They grow up with the ability to command and can do nothing less than dominate a room. But what about those who aren't bred to lead? Well unfortunately charisma really can't be taught. Confidence, however, can be practiced and learned. Presence can be feigned. To some extent, initiative can be learned. Extroversion can be faked, or at least practiced. Knowledge, of course, can be acquired.

So it is possible to fake it til you make it, so to speak. But many people don't bother developing these qualities in themselves. They don't seem to find it necessary. They think they have what it takes without those qualities.

It bothers me when I see people in faith communities assuming that because they have passion for an area of ministry that somehow qualifies them to be leaders.

No. Passion is good. Calling is good. But you need more than these things in order to lead a group of people and earn their respect enough so you can get something done. You cannot be a shrinking violet and hope that people won't ignore you, but will allow you to lead. Seriously...allow you to lead???

That is not leadership. I'm not sure what that is. A hot mess. A leader doesn't wait for permission. A leader executes. A leader speaks, and the masses listen. A leader delegates, and followers do. This is the way of things.

So when a person with a leadership title who is NOT ready to be a leader asks a natural leader to come on to a team, yes, it will cause problems. The titled person will wonder why he can't get a word in while everyone stops talking as soon as the natural leader opens her mouth. But we know he didn't spend any time on leadership skills and she was born that way.

To him I say, want to lead a meeting? At least read Robert's Rules for GOD's sake!

God's Signs

The question of my calling has always been in the back of my head. The idea of being in ministry has plagued me since before I could talk. It's the family business after all. My uncle is a minister. My second cousin is a minister. A couple generations back I had a relative who was a missionary and died in the field. Most importantly, my parents are both ministers.

Then of course, there are the family friends who are ministers - of which there are many. Even my godfather is a world renowned biblical scholar. And those are just the Christian friends. That doesn't even touch the Jewish, Hindu, and Islamic religious leaders my family knows and loves.

I grew up surrounded by religion.

So of course, the question arose, "Isn't Alexis going to be a pastor too?"

After all, I have all the skills. If people were bred for particular jobs, I could have been bred for the ministry. I speak, teach, and write well. People regularly come to me asking for advice. I can boil any problem down to its essentials. I have a knowledge of other cultures and perspectives. I know how to structure a worship service for maximum effectiveness. I can even sing and understand music (a bonus, though not strictly necessary to be a pastor).

BUT I have run away from the idea of being a pastor forever. The idea of being stuck with a church and dealing with all the problems I watched my parents deal with regularly sounds like a special kind of hell to me. Yet ministry isn't just about being a pastor. There are many kinds of ministry...

Now I find myself in a situation where the question of ministry has resurfaced. And seriously, it couldn't be more tangled up and crazy if I asked for it.

Let me explain without giving all the gory details.

A pastor is asked to leave because he did some really REALLY bad things that hurt a bunch of people. I knew he was within months of leaving the church when we started attending there. I also knew some of the things he had trouble with in general, though I didn't know the particulars. I knew these things without being told even BEFORE his resignation was announced. One of those people, in a position of influence in the church, was hurt very personally. I happen to have some experience with the same kind of hurt, and so am able to understand her situation, as well as communicate about it a bit more than someone without that experience.

The interim pastor in one of her sermons described foreknowledge as "discernment" and something necessary for a church, particularly one looking for where to go next. I met with her and told her about my knowledge, and she pointed out this ability as "discernment." We talked some more and we discussed our Myers-Briggs types. I'm an INFJ while she is an ENFP. These two types work extremely well together and their abilities generally compliment one another.

Needless to say, I feel like I fit in this situation a little too perfectly.


It's been a long time since God made things so evident in my life. Sure I've had moments where it was clear I was in the right place and time, but nothing that felt like it was prompting me to action. Here it is clear there is something I need to do. I'm not convinced it is help this particular church... I mean, yes obviously that is a part of it. Still it feels like there is something I need to take away from this situation. I feel like there is a lesson here - a growth opportunity for me. I know it's not something like patience. I learned that with my art students this past year (Oh kindergarteners! Oh prepubescents!). This is something more complex and more subtle. This is something that is directional. This is something that will get to my core.

I know this, the same way I knew about the pastor - the same way I knew this year was going to be a big year for my husband and I. It is unsettling.

More than ever, I'm on my guard. I'm both steeling myself against whatever might be coming my way because I know it will be big, as well as looking to find whatever clues might be hidden in even the most casual off-hand remarks. The signs are all there. Now I just have to wait to see what will be revealed. I'm both anxious and excited, because I have no idea how this will turn out. It wasn't a part of my plans at all. This is completely a God thing.

Freethinking is Not Atheism

In the past week I was bombarded by a multitude of people and things around this issue of thought versus faith. Clearly God wanted it discussed. After all, there are no coincidences...

It unsettles me when someone associates "freethinking" with atheism and only atheism. This is frankly bizarre. How can one group of people be universally freethinking? It doesn't matter what the group is, there will be people who are dependent on the thoughts of others as well as independent thinkers. This is a given. There is no group of people who doesn't have this spectrum (even academics, bless their hearts, have dependent thinkers in their midst!).

Thought and faith are not mutually exclusive.

The idea that I am incapable of thinking critically or analytically because I happen to ascribe to a belief system is silly. This is like the false assumption that scientists cannot be believers. Science and faith are not mutually exclusive. In fact, many scientists do believe.

I would argue, rather than weakening my faith, my ability to ask difficult questions and struggle with them makes my faith stronger. It is, after all, easy to be told what to think and accept it without question. People like that, as a general rule. It is much harder, and takes a stronger person to wrestle with difficult questions and come out with their faith in tact.

Consider, once I left my father's house (I say father because he is the one who told me I couldn't attend any other church or faith community until I left), I decided to learn more about other faith traditions. I went on to study them in great detail. I considered becoming a Sikh. I considered becoming a Muslim. I considered going off on a wild gallivanting path through Wiccan ritual. I considered believing in nothing. I wrestled with all these things and more. I questioned everything I'd been taught. I have a miniature religious studies library upstairs that few people can boast. I read holy scriptures and I listened to testimonies and talked with people. I came to several conclusions.

1. Religion is cultural. The institution provides a framework that speaks to a given place and time. Therefore, all religions will not speak to all people.
2. Religion has some truth. The question is, how much truth and what are the misrepresentations? Then, can you live with the misrepresentations present?
3. My beliefs don't have to follow the strict party line. I can believe things that don't necessarily agree with the dogma of a given community. This is a common practice, otherwise we'd have a lot more Catholics in the world (just saying, natural family planning only goes so far).
4. I'm still a Christian.

Now, to reach these conclusions I had to do things that most people would find impossible, if not simply difficult. I had to throw away preconceived notions (Immaculate conception? Seriously?).  I had to consider ideas that were incredibly foreign to my understanding (Reincarnation anyone?). There were many times when I just wanted the voice of God to come out of a cloud and show me what was true and what was not. In the end, I was the one to struggle with these questions. I was the one to come up with answers.

Now tell me, am I not a freethinker?

Before anyone assumes that all religious people are sheeple, please remember my story and how I wrestled with my faith by asking difficult questions and studying religion comparatively. There are more people in the world like me. Do us a favor, and do not assume we cannot think for ourselves, and we won't assume you can. :-)

Starting Over in a Church: What Happens When Pastors Leave

Recently the church I have been attending lost their pastor. Well, technically he resigned (and with good cause). The massive hole he left in his wake has been difficult for the congregation to deal with. He was there a long time (22 years!) and many parts of the church depended on him to function effectively.

As a child of 2 ministers, I had never been the one to stay when a pastor left. I was always part of the family leaving. I never saw the aftermath of even an amicable parting, let alone a difficult one. I had no idea what to expect or exactly what the process would be like. I don't even know everyone's name yet. I've only been going to this church for 2 months.

And somehow I'm on the worship committee.

Sigh.

One of the things that I discovered in my short time sitting in on worship committee meetings is the necessity for sustainable structures in a community of faith. A danger for smaller faith communities is relying too much on any single person for ministries or knowledge. In a small church, it is easy to heavily rely on the knowledge, skills, and experience of the pastor. But what happens when the pastor leaves? He or she takes that body of knowledge, skills, and experience with them, leaving a gaping hole in the middle of the church, which the community has to scramble to fill.

Instead, it is better to train church members in various skills in order to make them more self-reliant. A pastor should be a guide, not the whole show. Yes, this is difficult to do when the community is small, but delegating tasks to various church members isn't an impossibility. Fostering leaders within the church in different aspects of worship, care, and other areas benefits everyone. Not only does it take some of the burden off the minister, which prevents burn out, but it also prevents that gaping hole from occurring when the pastor leaves. This means the church doesn't stop or regress when the pastor leaves, which benefits the community as a whole because it maintains community health.

For example, this particular church in question had a pastor who was very musically inclined. When he left, the music went back to hymns right out of the hymnal and most of them were written before 1932. No one knew what to do. It was like this person hadn't been there for 22 years. Suddenly the mantle of worship music had to be taken up by someone else, and no one knew exactly how to do that or where to access new songs etc. No one had that knowledge and no one had been trained to maintain the ministry of music in a way that spoke to this particular congregation.

In short, it was a huge blow.

Having more members in the community with that knowledge and wherewithal would have prevented this abysmal regression from taking place. Fortunately most of the congregation is very gracious, and it hasn't been horribly hurtful (though I'm reserving my judgment for September when attendance typically picks up again) but it could have been.

Obviously it is important to rely some on a pastor's skills, knowledge, and experience. These people are trained to lead communities of faith. There is a reason we pay them (and not just because hopefully they preach good sermons every Sunday morning). That said, the pastor should not be the only leg on which a church's ministry stands. Leadership must come from within the community if the community is to be healthy. Likewise, pastors cannot hold their knowledge hostage, but must share with their church leaders in order to ensure ministries persist despite personnel changes.

Though it should be noted, the same could be said for other church leaders holding their knowledge hostage...

So have you experienced a gaping hole when church leadership changed? What are some lessons you learned from the experience? Please leave a comment below!

Not In Our Backyard! or "I'm a Christian BUT..."

I am shocked and disgusted. I wasn't sure I was going to write this post, but I think I have to. There's a money lender table that needs flipping.

I have to point out the few things that strike me about the battle being waged against my father (and my Father, if you know what I mean).

My dad's church in Goleta has applied and received a permit to participate in a safe parking program. The program allows vetted individuals the opportunity to park in a safe location within the community. These are people who cannot afford a home. They have no home, which isn't too surprising considering they're living in a place which has one of the more expensive housing costs in the country (Thanks prop 13! Thanks no living wage!). The rules of the program in question are incredibly strict, and when violated a single time result in expulsion from the program.

We're not talking about drugged out vagrants here. We're talking about upstanding people who happen to be too poor to live in an apartment. There's a difference.

Poverty is not a crime. However many people from the community have effectively said this very thing. The idea of having poor people in their community is repellent. It is frightening - disgusting.

My father has often called me despairing the negative reaction of community members to the efforts his church is putting towards serving those in need in Goleta and Santa Barbara. He is just doing his job as a pastor, helping his church to realize the will of God in their community as they feel called. What could be more in line with Christian teaching than serving the homeless? I can't imagine anything more Christian.

But maybe my definition of Christian is off base.

One of the things he related to me which was particularly concerning was the repeated statement at the series of hearings held regarding this issue "I'm a Christian, BUT..." Inevitably this phrase is followed by another much more shocking phrase to the tune of "...not in my backyard!"

Ahem.

This type of sentence is akin to saying, "I'm a vegetarian but I eat chicken." Excuse me deary, but if you eat chicken, you're NOT a vegetarian. You're a fraud.

So, "I'm a Christian but I don't want homeless people staying across the street from me!" is confessing that actually, sorry, no - you're NOT a Christian. I don't think the Jews or Muslims would accept you. No, you're pretty much not adhering to the will of God. You're actually going AGAINST God. Read a few scriptures. You'll see it pretty clearly.

I will grant the fact that being a good person of faith is difficult to do. It's something that takes practice and discipline. But some choices presented to us are easy and logical and require little effort. This safe parking program is one of those easy choices. It's not even on the same level as giving your leftovers to the guy begging on the park bench. It's easier than that, and giving your leftovers away is PRETTY easy (speaking as someone who does that regularly when I actually have leftovers). Pushing against such a choice that would have a positive impact on a person's life is a horrible, wretched thing to do. It is not loving. It is not a reflection of God's will.

So, I pray most sincerely that the people of Goleta will be struck like Saul. I pray their hearts will be opened, they will hear the will of God and the call to be a good neighbor to all their neighbors, regardless of their income level or housing status. Amen.

What The Boston Bombings Can Teach Us

I know it's been some time since the attacks in Boston. And some people would say there was only one thing to take from such a tragedy - we in America need to toughen up security. Fear increased and so did accusations - about the people responsible as well as their motives.

I would argue this has actually taught us quite the opposite. By living in one of the most diverse countries in the world, necessarily there will always be differences. We are a nation of immigrants. The idea that we could some how homogenize our society is preposterous.

Rather than point fingers and stereotype, it behooves us to spend time learning about one another. How can we do that? What is the common ground on which we can stand?

Ironically, those fingers pointing to religion as a wall, could just as easily point us to a solution. By spending time educating ourselves about the commonalities between religions, we can start to have not only conversations, but work on the issues that concern all of us - like poverty and hunger - as opposed to getting hung up on doctrine or dogma.

Moving forward, I pray we will build bridges and extend hands, instead of erecting walls and throwing stones.