Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Action: A Divine Directive

I recently read an article from a secular humanist and was struck by the essential difference between nonbelievers and believers. Nonbelievers come to human rights from a perspective of ego (in the traditional sense of the word - it benefits society and humanity long term, which benefits the self) and in the best case, empathy (understanding others' perspectives.

Believers, people of faith, have additional incentives to act morally. We have something that an atheist does not have, can never have. In fact, it is the point which separates the nonbeliever and believer - believers serve Divine will.

In each world religion, it uses different language, but there are serious overlaps and in fact, much common ground between the cultural interpretations of Divine will. These surround issues of charity and treating others as we would like to be treated (compassion and empathy). These are Divine mandates.

Keeping this in mind, it behooves the believer, if he or she is practicing, to act. It would be immoral not to.  We must live our faith through actions directed by Divine will.

In the present socio-political climate, I see two rallying points for people of faith. To live one's faith requires addressing one of the following:
  1. Economic inequality
  2. Climate change
Within each of these areas are additional foci. Let's first unpack economic inequality.

Economic Inequality


Economic inequality is much more than issues of class or fiscal responsibility. It encompasses the following issues (in no particular order):
  1. Racial inequality
  2. Gender inequality
  3. Healthcare
  4. Shelter
  5. Education
  6. Labor protections
  7. Taxes
This is a large list that requires much action for these issues to be addressed. A person of faith can work on any of these issues and be living their faith. However, if a person is not actively seeking to redress these issues, then I urge them to reconsider their faith and question their life choices.

Climate Change


Within the issue of climate change are a group of issues that require people of faith to act:
  1. Food consumption and production
  2. Energy consumption and production
  3. Corporate greed
  4. International trade
  5. Manufacturing practices
  6. Reproductive justice
  7. Sustainable living practices
 

Now that you know...

This may seem scary and overwhelming, because this list of issues essentially calls for complete social revolution. That level of change frightens many people. After all, it is comfortable to go through the drive-through at fast food restaurants. It is comfortable to let the water run when brushing teeth. Brown lawns are ugly. Being on the top of the social hierarchy is nice. Why rock the boat?

Yes, why rock the boat?
Because God calls.

We can sit here, comfortably ignoring the fact that a black woman was murdered by a police officer for saying what was on her mind. We can sit here, comfortably ignoring the fact that Shell Oil company is drilling for oil in the arctic when we know using oil may bring about the death of humanity.

We can sit comfortably, plug our ears, cover our eyes, and watch as the world burns. That is possible. However, as believers, that would amount to ignoring God. We cannot ignore God. The Divine will, the directive to act, is overwhelming.


What does this mean for my life?


There are a few things that you can do right now.
  1. Figure out which political candidate platforms address the most of above issues. Vote for them.
  2. Sign petitions calling for policy changes in these areas.
  3. Educate yourself on these issues.
  4. Educate your family, friends, and neighbors on these issues.
  5. Pick a few non-profit agencies that are doing things in your community to address these issues and volunteer.
  6. Pick a few other agencies addressing either the same issues or others on the above list, and donate.
  7. Eat local or make your own.
  8. Walk more.
  9. Use public transportation.
  10. Practice empathy.
This is a start, but it is by no means an exhaustive list. We must overhaul our lives, and that takes time, resources, and practice. Each step brings us closer to our goal of living our faith in the world.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Bigots, Beliefs, and Betterment

The world is complex and beautiful. So are people.
First, faith is not an excuse to be an asshole. Belief, in ANY ideology of ANY kind, does not give you the right to discriminate, to hate, to sadism, to evil.

That is all the self, which uses ideology to justify bad behavior.

Second, I identify with all of the following things:
  • pro-choice
  • wife
  • socialist
  • feminist
  • mother
  • writer
  • artist
  • spiritual
  • political
  • teacher
  • singer
  • social justice activist
  • oh...and by the way...Christian.
I mean, the last one is really obvious from this blog (I think anyway) but you may or may not have known about the others. Some of them are innocuous identities (singer generally doesn't rock boats), but others come with a lot of baggage (feminist...for example) and none of them are mutually exclusive.

I repeat: none of these are mutually exclusive.

Life is not 1 or 0 - it does not function in a binary system of states. People are complex and varied. Belief, thought, and associations are fluid. They change. They morph. They are not exclusionary sets.

AND guess what? NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ANYONE.

So much more I have to learn about this guy...
For example, I love my husband, and I learn more about him the longer I'm around him. While I know him well, there is always more about him I can learn. That is part of why I like marriage so much; it gives me an intimate case study in humanity. And believe me, he continues to fascinate after nine years of being a couple and seven of marriage. And he's just one person...so imagine what that means for 7 billion...

Wow. That is mind-blowing to contemplate.

That number just reinforces the lesson I learned through my husband: you don't know shit so don't pretend like you do.

In the last week a lot of good things have happened here in the US, but these events have shown people for who they really are - some showed their bigotry on the right. Others on the left. The thing is, neither one thinks of themselves as such. Both think they're moral. Both are wrong.

Everyone is flawed. Everyone fails sometimes. Everyone has biases and prejudice in their hearts in some shape or form. The best of people recognize it and struggle with it. The worst encourage and entrench it. I hope I do the former and that if I start to slip into the latter, someone compassionately calls me on it to make me better (as we all should).

And...here's the thing...that is okay. It is okay to have these things because this is part of what it means to be human. We are imperfect. And, when we strive to be better, that is good. That is all I ask  - all I wish for humanity.

Accept yourselves where you are and strive to be better.

This is what God wants, or if you don't believe in God, this is the cumulative effort of the human project...so further it. Work on it. Work on yourselves. Check one another. Be examples in your efforts to improve and love.

And to start, remember to hold yourself accountable before you start throwing stones. They could just as easily hit you. I promise to do the same.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

White Charleston: Practice Humility, Justice, & Love

Recently I have come to a place of acceptance and humility, and through that celebration.

Now I accept myself, really love myself, which makes it so much easier to love others. I am okay with my personal journey, not in competition, but as my personal path. Suddenly everyone is completely equal because they all have personal journeys that are not contingent on mine. Abilities, station - it does not matter. And I am grateful for this understanding because I enjoy everything much more.

When seeing other people as equal, it becomes a joy to watch them. To see others succeed is a great joy. I get excited like they were my favorite team, lover, or best friend. It does not matter how far from my experience they are, I love their successes. I love their joy.

Likewise, when they shrink back from their purpose, I get disappointed. I get angry. I get sad.

When they hurt, I hurt. When they bleed, I bleed with them. And just as if they were a lover or friend, I want to help.

I want to give advice. I want to be a shoulder to cry on. I want to buy them a beer (or a tea) and sit down and let them talk themselves hoarse.

I was not always like this. I used to blame people. Sometimes hate them. And even now, sometimes, I may say I hate a person, but what I really hate is his or her action.

This is the spirit with which I view Charleston. And it is not easy. Not an easy thing to look at the events of last night, in a holy place, in a loving community, hurt because of an uncontrollable characteristic that a person hates.

Yet, I have been in communities touched by violence, by hate. I have felt that grief, the transformation that occurs. And I have heard cries for anger and justice. And in the face of this, I understand them perfectly.

And I am a parent of a boy and know how it feels to watch my son hurt someone. And yet love him.

I have seen people hate blindly, and unreasonably clung to ideologies because of personal insecurities, perpetuated by parents and friends. And it has made me angry and struggle to foster an environment that allowed for change.

And the thing I see most in Charleston, the need I see is the hardest one.

To the white community of South Carolina, be humble. Be apologetic. Be responsible and own your place in this act. And seek justice in the spirit of healing your community. Seek education, integration, exposure, and understanding. Seek forgiveness in a humble, responsible way. Own your faults and seek to correct them. Learn empathy. Learn compassion. This is the path I know God would want for you.

The black community of South Carolina is not required to educate, or even to forgive you. It is your responsibility to extend an apology. It is your responsibility to ask what reparations must be made. I know in a spirit of Divine love, this is the quickest path to healing. And I want you to facilitate healing. I want you to be better and recognize your role in this.

This takes time. It is never fully done. But you can make progress. You can improve. You can practice an empathetic love that spans every human-made barrier.

There are peacemakers everywhere. There are books and classes and organizations that would help you. Reach out in love. It is the right thing to do.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

The Sacred Human: Duggar and Jenner?

There are some things on which everyone should agree. And many pay lip service to such principles, however in their daily lives, in their words, it is a very different matter.

In the past few weeks several issues have dominated American pop cultural media, namely Josh Duggar and Caitlyn Jenner. These two individuals are radically different, and the issues they raise in public consciousness are very different, and yet, they pull at a fundamental issue that flies in the face of many identities and ideologies Americans hold dear. One, is an abuser, a hypocrite, defended by people clinging to a certain idea. His victims blamed for his evil acts, he going without punishment, and them going without assistance.

The other, a woman, once a man, who struggled with the question of who she was at a fundamental level, finally coming out in a very public way, to raise social consciousness of her trans brothers and sisters. Her efforts have opened her to a world of ridicule and abuse personally, even as she has given hope to those trans individuals of lesser means.

Duggar is given value above and beyond his victims. His victims, in fact, are relegated to less than human, even by certain members of the public. Meanwhile Jenner struggles to be viewed for her humanity, and her sacrifice of celebrity-outing forces many to confront their fundamental understanding of gender, thereby placing her in the crosshairs of many.

One is defended by the Christian right. The other is spurned by it, probably as devil-spawn.

What would God want for these two people? What would God want people of faith to do in the face of those with similar circumstances? 

People have inherent value as human beings and should be treated as such.

I believe that God wants all people to be valued at a fundamental level, that all people, by nature of being humans, have intrinsic value and deserve respect, courtesy, and compassion. This means, even a person who commits acts of horror, deserves these things. Does that preclude justice? No. As every human has value, victims deserve justice and a community deserves healing. But every person is a human being, even those who commit crimes.

If a person decides to change their body, to go against their cultural norms, their humanity has not changed. Whether you agree or disagree with their choices is unimportant due to one principle - they are human and deserve to be treated with value.
 
So what does this inherent value require of us? What would God have us do?

Well, if all people have value as humans then we have an obligation, as people of faith, to act on this standard in every aspect of life. This is not just an issue of respectful language or compassionate justice. It extends to all aspects of life, therefore:
  1. Education should be accessible, which requires us to accommodate differences that might otherwise be obstacles, such as consolidated educational access or wealth.
  2. Public spaces should be safe for all people engaged in their daily tasks - these spaces should be spaces of peaceful and compassionate interaction.
  3. In order to maintain humanity and honor our children's value, we must safeguard our environment, seeking to bring about balance between our fundamental needs, and the rights of Earth.
  4. Healthy food, living space, water, and access to care must be easily available to all people.
  5. To see the value of all people, one must have a degree of empathy. This must be understood at a deep level, and therefore should be a part of every aspect of culture. The first question we must ask is, what are the feelings involved? Only then can we find a positive solution.
  6. All people deserve the same rights and privileges as they are equal. There is no difference between people in this respect - no preference on any single identity or belief or appearance or ability etc.
  7. If a person is struggling in some way, it is our duty to address the struggle, as a family, community, country, and world. Rather than shame or vilify that person, we should extend our hands in supportive care.
  8. We must act from a place of peace when coming to conflict - in our daily lives, as well as the global stage.
  9. Justice must be served in a way that facilitates healing of victims and community, as well as intervening and rehabilitating perpetrators. 
If we are to do this, everything changes. How we live in every part of our lives must change. How we address one another, how we spend our time and money, the kinds of legislation we pass all must change. And that is uncomfortable for people. Some will have to give up their present state of excess. Others will be lifted up. And that is threatening and frightening to many.

If you find it threatening, I urge you to think about why you find it threatening. What is so upsetting about everyone having inherent value? What is so upsetting about these potential changes? Only then will you know where you must focus your energies to align with God's desire for our world.

If you find this exciting and uplifting, I urge you to act in accordance with this Divine vision. Challenge those who find it uncomfortable in a way that allows them to confront their perspective and facilitates personal and social growth.

It is only by spreading this vision that we will be able to move forward with our humanity - that we can find a world filled with wholeness, peace, and compassion.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Morality, Calling, and Signposts

Bleak? Or a change in the weather?
I am struggling to see the good in the world today. Last night I read another article about another group of politicians intending to hurt people by taking away basic necessities and it kept me awake. It made me physically sick. It made me so angry that someone who claimed to be for family, for God, would do something, even if it is only political strategy, at the expense of people's lives.

There is no excuse.

No major world religion I have read about wants this. And I have read a LOT about gods. I have read a LOT about religion. A LOT. It is one of the things that comes up in my life over and over.

And I love people. I mean, I hate them, but I love them. Sort of like Jonah. Sometimes I don't want to save people from themselves...some of them may not deserve it...but then again, even the worst can repent.

And they should have a chance. But shouldn't there be consequences for hurting thousands of people? Isn't that - more than anything - immoral?

But I cannot focus on this. I cannot keep turning towards this, except as motivation to spur me forward - to create positive change around me. And I am motivated. Everything I read stokes my fire. Every conversation I have pushes me in the same direction.

This past week I met a person who gave me a huge jolt of positive energy. Talking with her affirmed what I am doing. I realized that God wasn't content with closing all the other options, but decided to send me a few more signposts. I received positive responses to my speaking inquiries. I received positive responses to my story from more than one quarter - from friends, strangers, and professional acquaintances.

If there was any doubt, it is gone. Whatever happens from here on out, I am not worried. Whatever happens, at least I know I'm fulfilling my calling. And that is edifying, even as it requires fire.


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Silence is Poison: I'm Talking Now

This has taken a lot of thought - a long time and much consideration. There are so many issues in our country and our world, I struggled to decide what to write - what focus was most needed here.

So here it is... the hard bitter truth.

It is easy for me to sit here, in the comfort of my parents' house, and make pronouncements about the state of the world. For the time being, I have food, a bed, a roof, and a loving family. I have education. I live everyday with consolidated power and resources that others fantasize about. I live in a place that is the perfect temperature most of the year. The ocean is minutes away. Flowers bloom all year. The sun shines.

It would be easy to sit here and ignore everything. It would be easy to get roped into ideas about prosperity being a heavenly mandate. It would be easy to forget about the other difficult parts of my life, to let them fade into memory, and ignore their lessons. It would be easy to forget my beautiful students from Oakland, or the farm workers down the road, or the women and children in shelters downtown. It would be easy.

I could ignore murders, rapes, molestations, homelessness, and unemployment. I could ignore victim blaming and the consolidation of power and resources by the wealthy. I could ignore rich white Christians getting hot and bothered about marriage equality, while people are dying in the streets and poor children go without food or shelter.

I could ignore these things, and eat a three course meal every night on china. I could drink expensive mixed drinks and wear designer clothing and party like everything was fun and fancy-free. I could.

And if I did, what would I be? Not Christian. That is for sure. No, I would be the embodiment of sin. I would be evil.

It is our responsibility, no matter how privileged we are, to stand with our sisters and brothers. It is our responsibility to expand access to education and health care. It is our responsibility to expand the possibility of love and friendship. It is our responsibility to serve one another and give voice to the voiceless. It is our responsibility to shed light on the places of shadow in our society.

Do not be fooled. God does not want us to stand with the law when the law protects privilege. God does not want us to stand with power when that power is one of oppression.

And this is uncomfortable. God requires us to get uncomfortable. That means, accepting the fact that yes - men are the most dangerous threat to women.  That means accepting the fact that yes - white people have systematically oppressed minorities for centuries. That means accepting the fact that yes -  our entire American society, law, culture, and businesses, are structured to funnel more power and resources to the rich.

When we accept these things as true, the whole game changes. The conversation shifts. And then the question becomes, what are you going to do about it?
There are three options:
  1. Keep quiet. Do nothing, which means you are for the current situation.
  2. Actively support the current situation (i.e. punish people for being poor, kill black men and women, punish women for being women, punish gay people for being gay...).
  3. Or you can protest. You can write. You can fight. You can share alternative news narratives. You can educate yourself on how to be an ally to those with less of a voice, those with less privilege, and fewer rights.
I denied this call for many years. I denied it, and with it, a part of myself. I stayed silent, and it was an evil thing. I made myself sick. I was the worst kind of sinner, and for that, I beg your forgiveness.

It is for all these reasons that I wrote my story in THRIVE. It is a small story, in a large network of stories. There are so many people who have endured worse. There are so many people who were never given the chance to speak. It is for them I reveal myself. It is for them, I do the thing I was called to do - to be vulnerable. I might not be able to protest in Baltimore, or volunteer at Planned Parenthood, or All Out, or aggressively lobby for income-based penalties.

But I can do this.

#silenceispoison
#imtalkingnow
#THRIVE 

Thursday, March 19, 2015

To End The Drought


Sitting down in front of the keys, a thousand thoughts go through my head. I think of ISIS, of little girls with books, of insane people conflating Christianity with "God on America's Side," of chocolate bunnies, of frightening droughts, of lying billionaires moving suited pawns across legislatures...

I think of my bank account, of my aching foot, of the fact that my computer is on its last leg, of the fact that capitalism doesn't work well for people with my kind of motivation and values...

I think of all the flaws and the fears of the world in the span of a moment. They flash before my mind's eye. It is a dizzying, horrifying, freak show, and I really don't recommend it. It's vomit inducing.

I could write about any single one of these things, and while they each could be twisted into a faith post, the reality is together, they mean so much more.

The world is scary. It is dark. It is full of awful, terrible, no good things. People use the same ideology and evidence to support their views, often with selfish aims, and with complete disregard for the consequences if they win their arguments.

In this season of Lent, I have to remind myself, and you, that it is darkest just before the dawn. All of these things are true...are present...and they must be addressed. You must decide what to do with the chocolate bunny, and how to re-landscape your lawn because grass is not going to work any more. These are bitter pills for the average Californian (and the rest of the US). You must decide how to address your faith - and work, or not, with others across the world to bring about Shalom - that yearned state of the Divine.

And for us Christians, yes, these things weigh on us, and it is hard and scary and we want to hide our faces under our pillows and stay in our cozy beds. But Jesus still died a horrible death...and returned.

As my father likes to quote, in his best imitation of a whooping preacher...

"It's Good Friday...BUT EASTER'S COMIN'!"

One more time...

"It's Good Friday...BUT EASTER IS COMIN'!"

We are not alone. In the midst of the faithful, is a large bubbling, untapped wellspring of love and light. It is time to end the drought.

Rush forth my brothers and sisters - come forward - your time in now.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

The Blessing of Pride: Churches Coming Out

Last night I attended a little panel discussion at my church given by Pacific Pride. There were a few things that stood out about the panel to me.

First, the panelists all had some connection to faith. Generally this was something in the past (and had left scars) and more rarely, it was something in the present.

Second, there were only two panelists who were around my age (actually younger), and the rest were significantly older. The point was made throughout the evening that experiences of LGBTQ people are divided generationally. The experiences of the older panelists were radically different from the younger ones, and certainly different compared to the experiences of my LGBTQ friends.

Third, there was a theme of self exploration and the encouragement of self exploration, not only in relation to personal gender identity, but across the board (As an INFJ personality, I can't agree more!).

And finally, there was a theme of coming out and welcoming.

This last one is what I really want to talk about because it points to several issues in the church. While the panelists asserted that no church should have to "come out" in support of any group of people (see: the message of Jesus), without this act, the very people a church seeks to help will be unwelcome.

In other words, a church must take an open stand, or come out, in order to be recognized as a welcoming place.

There are so many churches in this world that do not take stands on issues. If a person were to call and ask a "closeted" church if they were welcoming of a given group of people, it is hard to know how they would respond. The reality is, most people wouldn't ask, and it isn't their responsibility to ask.

The Church is meant to be a witness to the world. The Church is meant to declare its stances to the world and defend them, regardless of what other people and institutions think. Inevitably this gets individual churches and the Church as a whole into trouble, but that is what Jesus requires us to do. Sometimes, you just need to flip a table. Sometimes you need to call a person out.

My church in Goleta (or rather my dad's church as I'm slightly transient) has yet to take a stand on this. Part of me understands why the community has been dragging its feet (think: denominational BS). Part. Most of me has no idea why they haven't just come out yet. I mean, how can you have 3 openly gay staff members over the years and NOT openly stand up for them?! That's crazy! 

My only guess is it is fear - fear about the unknown - about what will happen if they make a stand. But here's the thing: fear isn't a good enough reason to stop from doing something. Jesus tells us not to be afraid. God tells us not to be afraid, but to step out in faith, and act according to God's will. All God's children deserve love, community, welcoming, and nurturing.

I don't think there's any question here - it's time to come out.


Monday, September 1, 2014

Atheists Worship Satan and Other Myths

I get that a lot of people don't care for religion. After all, it is an institution. Institutions are created by people. People are flawed and therefore, their creations are flawed. Combine this with the fact institutions are often interested in self-preservation and such pursuits rarely benefit people, and yes, it makes sense. Hating religion makes sense to me.

Hell. Even I hate religion sometimes. And I'm a believer.

That said, it drives me CRAZY when generalizations are made about religion - especially statements about it being dumb, irrelevant, hateful, or obnoxious. There are people who are part of all institutions who fit these categories. There are groups within all institutions that fit these categories. All people in a given institution cannot be dumb, useless, etc. The law of statistics asserts it cannot be so. If we lump every person and group together, things get dangerous (you know, like Holocaust dangerous).

It also drives me crazy when people assume the logical counter to religion is atheism (though philosophically it may be), and then proceed to associate the 'Devil' with this mode of thinking.

Note: If you believe in the Devil, you cannot be atheist. Atheism is, by definition, the belief that there is no god - none of any kind. The Devil would qualify as a deity or god in this situation. People who worship Satan are actually Satan worshippers or Devil worshippers. They aren't even Satanists who are more closely related to atheists...but that is another discussion entirely...

I say all this because someone - I think an attendee to my brother's wedding - decided to leave a confused note on the comment card at my parents' church. It was probably a confused teen, because I hope no thoughtful person over 30 would waste a non-profit organization's resources by leaving a confused anti-religious comment on a card while attending a wedding.

Too bad that person hadn't been raised in a church. Maybe they would have been a little more respectful to the community who spent time and money on communication materials.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Church Attendance: You Need A Date Night

I'm going to be honest here. I totally judge people - and I judge people almost as harshly as I judge myself. It's a fault. I admit it. It's part of my personality (Myers-Briggs got it right with me, that's for sure!).

And what's one of the things I judge people on? It's one of those things that you might think marks me as some kind of strange 21st century-1950s hybrid. Yes. Church attendance.

Everyone who knows anything about relationships knows they take work. Relationships are not easy. They aren't something you can just expect to stay on cloud nine all the time. They require effort. They require commitment.

It's been said that Jesus is like a groom and the Church his bride.

Are you picking up what I'm putting down here?

COMMITMENT.

Faith takes commitment. It is a daily thing. It requires effort. It requires active participation. When your girlfriend, lover, spouse, partner comes home that day, you don't ignore them. You talk to them. You do chores around the house. You help pay bills. You have a regular date night.

Think of attending church, or temple, or mosque as your weekly date night. Because that's what it is. It's part of your commitment. It's your weekly rejuvenating shot to your spiritual relationship.

What happens when you miss a date night? What happens when you keep missing date nights? You stop connecting with your partner. Your relationship starts to get messy. Maybe you lose a little spark. It fosters discord and dissonance in your relationship. It contributes to creating a negative relationship environment. Maybe it contributes to relationship death.

The same thing happens when you stop going to church or temple. Your connection to God gets a little fuzzy. Your spiritual focus gets lost. An emptiness starts to grow in your heart. A darkness takes root in your spirit. It won't be big at first. You may not even be aware of it, at least at first.

But let me tell you, when you show up to worship that first Sunday after a break, you're going to feel what you were missing. You're going to realize that you were undervaluing your relationship with God and that you lost focus. You're going to realize that Divine relationship is one of the most important things in your life and you need that time. You need to make the time. You need to recommit.

You don't make excuses to ignore your spouse, so stop making excuses not to go to Church.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Modern Samaritans

This past week I moved. As part of the move I had the chance to spend several hours in the car with my infant son and my mother-in-law. This might sound like a horrible thing to some people (and indeed for some it might in fact be a horrible thing)  but my baby is a darling and I genuinely like my mother-in-law.

So we got to talk...for about 5 hours. We talked about many things but most importantly I was able to ask her about her brother. This is something I've wanted to ask for a long time. My mother-in-law's brother was killed in a plane crash along with her father many years before. While they come up in conversation on occasion, it was rare for any details to be shared. My husband, however, always brings up the subject for his grandmother because he looks so much like his long dead uncle.

It turns out that's not the only resemblance.

As we talked, I learned Christian's uncle had many similar personality traits, including something that has caused some inconvenience for me on more than one occasion. Like his uncle, Christian is generous and helpful. He inherited the need to help people. Every time we come upon a stranded motorist, Christian wants to stop and help them. If there is someone clearly in distress on the sidewalk where we are, he wants to stop and help them. This has made us late, completely derailed our schedule, and sometimes required urgent searches for toilets.

While it can be inconvenient, I wouldn't trade this trait in my husband, or his family, for anything. There are so few people who will stop and help a person these days, that my husband seems to be a dying breed. I don't know if this is because fewer people are raised in the Church and so no longer have the drive to do good deeds or if it is due to the fear of other people that is instilled in us through news media. Whatever the case, it is rare that a person will stop to help another.

I wish I was comfortable stopping to help a random person, but I'm not Christian. My husband is a large, intimidating man, and could easily handle a crazy or violent person. I cannot. However, I do help when I feel safe doing so. Giving my leftover lunch to someone who is obviously hungry and begging on the street is an easy thing. Giving up my seat in the doctor's office to an old woman who is unsteady on her feet is a no-brainer. While these aren't as spectacular as the help my husband gives, they are definitely appreciated by the person being helped.

This is the kind of giving and compassionate heart people of faith must have. These actions bring light to the world. I hope as a mother, I can bring more of this as well as instill that kind of love and caring in my son. We should all be modern day good Samaritans.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Surprise Lessons

Sometimes, even when we think we know what the plan is, we're surprised when things turn out differently.

I thought my calling for the church here was one thing, when it turns out it was something much different. I know this now because my time there has come to an end; my family is cutting our losses and moving back to the Central Coast.

I'm not sure how my time there will have helped anyone, but I know it has. I also know it helped me. It showed me there are churches out there that I can really become a part of and give to that don't have a family member as the pastor. In fact, it showed me the pastor (though important) isn't as important as the whole community.

The community at this church was so loving and wonderful that even with only having attended a short time, we really felt like we belonged. We were committed to that church. It had been a long time since I felt that in a church. Maybe it had to do with the type of people there, or my own place in life (pregnant when we began attending) though I can't really be sure. All I know is that I felt hope again, for my own spiritual journey as well as Church as a whole.

We can't know what the plan is. We might have an idea, and that idea may be completely wrong. I thought we were going to stay at this church for a long time and that I would help shape the direction of its ministry, but instead it was a moment in time. It was just a stop on my spiritual journey with a large sign post showing me what could and will be.

The journey really is full of surprises.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Trust is a Hard Thing

I should believe things will turn out better than alright - that they will be wonderful. And part of me thinks that. But part of me is struggling to believe even as I repeat these ideas regularly to myself.

Even after so many people have come up to bat on our behalf, and all the amazing support we've been given with the crazy financial things going on in our lives, I'm still struggling to believe that something will manifest.

And I'm the "positive one" in my marriage. Just imagine what Christian's thinking.

I know there are tons of people around us praying and sending positive thoughts our way. I know that, both intellectually and emotionally. I feel it quite often. And I thank God daily for the amazing community that we found in the church we attend, as well as my father's church.

Thing is, that's not enough.

I'm a hungry person - not my stomach - but my mind and soul. I need a lot. I need regular reassurance. I need regular affirmation. I'm open to how it comes - I don't care what vessel or form it takes, but I do need it. When I have to go without reassurance or affirmation for a period of time, I begin to doubt. I begin to lose hope and faith. I go dark.

In the midst of the worst part of our summer's crisis, I was getting a lot of those reassurances and affirmations in all kinds of ways from people and from God. But now that things have settled into a dangerous balancing act, I feel a little like I've been left out in the cold. The result is I'm starting to stress out a bit more. I'm struggling a little bit more. I'm doubting a little bit more.

My hope is I'll be given another sign soon to lead me to the next step or whatever. That would be enough to carry me for a while, at least to see that step through. And somewhere deep down I know I will be given that sign. I've been pretty fortunate that way. But at the same time, part of me doubts.

It's hard to trust God will show us the next step. It's hard to have faith when we're in the middle of a difficult situation that doesn't seem to be changing. But it will change. There will be a next step, and when I'm shown it, I will take it. Because even if I doubt, ultimately, I trust the plan. And you should too.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Even Atheists Should Go To Church

I have a friend who is an atheist. Actually, I have a number of friends who consider themselves to be atheists because I'm an equal opportunity friend. As long as you're a person who is interested in learning, growing, and trying to make the world a better place, I'm interested in possibly having you as a friend.

However, this particular atheist friend of mine is unusual in that he goes to church.

Let me repeat myself... I have an atheist friend who goes to church.

In fact, he was recruited to help make some structural changes in this church where he attends and so has been very active in the inner workings of this particular faith community. He even confessed to me that times when he's attended worship, he's found some interesting reflections in the sermon that were helpful to him in his life.

Is your mind blown yet? Because it shouldn't be.

Yes my friend doesn't believe in God. Despite this, he has found some major benefits and possibly some community in this particular church. You see, belief doesn't preclude benefits of participating in a community of faith.

A lot of people think that participating in a church or temple is somehow a bad thing. They think that being a member of such a local organization somehow ties them to all the bad things that come from institutions.

Yes, there will always be annoying politics and sniping and all of that. Of course. We're still talking about people here! And yes, people are flawed (just to remind you - so are you - so am I!). But beyond that, we're also talking about a group of people who care for one another. This is how, even though I've only been attending my current church since April, they're throwing us a baby shower this Sunday. This is how even though we've been attending since April, I get hugs from multiple people every Sunday morning.

This is why faith communities are so great.

This is why even an atheist benefits from attending church. Because ultimately, the belief thing doesn't really matter. You can believe whatever you want alone in your room somewhere. No one knows...and no one has to care. BUT...you can't get that love and support that comes from community without well, community. Your thinking can't be challenged without some influx of differing ideas coming your way. These are the things that don't happen when you're alone in your room. These are things that happen at church.

I'm not saying you should go to just any church or temple. They all feel very different and each has their own way of doing things (It's a lot easier to believe whatever you want in a Quaker or Baptist community than say a Catholic or Pentecostal community, for example.). However there is a faith community that will fit with you. It won't be perfect, but none of us are. There will be things that may make you cringe. Hopefully one of them is your passion, and you can get hooked in and make something great happen even if no one there believes exactly the same thing you do. 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

A Brief Testimony

I'm sorry this has been a bit late. If you follow my other blogs you know this past week has been nothing short of CRAZY, which is why I decided to make this particular post.

Typically I'd post about institutional issues in churches and faith organizations, or doxis, or praxis, or something related to belief systems. In short, normally I write about BIG things here.

But this is a small thing.

Well, not to me. It's not a small thing to anyone who experiences similar situations. It's actually the biggest and most important thing in the world. It just happens to affect only a few people....superficially anyway.

I mean about my personal faith. I am speaking, of course, of the overwhelming response I received after blogging about my husband losing his job on another of my blogs. In fact, it was so big, I actually had strangers from pregnancy forums offering to buy us baby gear. And then of course, there were other things that were happening. My readership jumped on my blogs - in a fairly big way. Then people were asking me what they could do, so I told them they could look for jobs for my husband (or at least keep an eye out) and buy and rate/review my latest book. Well, we had several jobs come at us from this. A few people bought my book (not anything huge, but still - more than before).

Then yesterday Christian had an interview, and got leads on other jobs (and for other news on this you'll have to visit Raising An Alien). My mother confided something to me which surprised me greatly - something that coincided with a personal goal I'd made months ago and largely forgotten.

These things are not coincidence.

I share this with you because in one of our darkest hours, we were bathed in light. We were not forsaken. Love, care, and compassion came at us from even the most unexpected places in small, and sometimes huge ways. While our journey is far from over, and the obstacles are not completely overcome, I know everything will not only be alright, but amazing - fantastic - awe-inspiring. The reason I know this is because I do not believe we could have experienced all this but through the grace of God. I have had many difficult experiences, however this one was the most frightening (initially) because of the baby. And I didn't have to worry. Everything was taken care of, and in more wondrous ways than I could imagine.

And honestly, I'm pretty excited to see what's in store. I have a good feeling.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Starting Over in a Church: What Happens When Pastors Leave

Recently the church I have been attending lost their pastor. Well, technically he resigned (and with good cause). The massive hole he left in his wake has been difficult for the congregation to deal with. He was there a long time (22 years!) and many parts of the church depended on him to function effectively.

As a child of 2 ministers, I had never been the one to stay when a pastor left. I was always part of the family leaving. I never saw the aftermath of even an amicable parting, let alone a difficult one. I had no idea what to expect or exactly what the process would be like. I don't even know everyone's name yet. I've only been going to this church for 2 months.

And somehow I'm on the worship committee.

Sigh.

One of the things that I discovered in my short time sitting in on worship committee meetings is the necessity for sustainable structures in a community of faith. A danger for smaller faith communities is relying too much on any single person for ministries or knowledge. In a small church, it is easy to heavily rely on the knowledge, skills, and experience of the pastor. But what happens when the pastor leaves? He or she takes that body of knowledge, skills, and experience with them, leaving a gaping hole in the middle of the church, which the community has to scramble to fill.

Instead, it is better to train church members in various skills in order to make them more self-reliant. A pastor should be a guide, not the whole show. Yes, this is difficult to do when the community is small, but delegating tasks to various church members isn't an impossibility. Fostering leaders within the church in different aspects of worship, care, and other areas benefits everyone. Not only does it take some of the burden off the minister, which prevents burn out, but it also prevents that gaping hole from occurring when the pastor leaves. This means the church doesn't stop or regress when the pastor leaves, which benefits the community as a whole because it maintains community health.

For example, this particular church in question had a pastor who was very musically inclined. When he left, the music went back to hymns right out of the hymnal and most of them were written before 1932. No one knew what to do. It was like this person hadn't been there for 22 years. Suddenly the mantle of worship music had to be taken up by someone else, and no one knew exactly how to do that or where to access new songs etc. No one had that knowledge and no one had been trained to maintain the ministry of music in a way that spoke to this particular congregation.

In short, it was a huge blow.

Having more members in the community with that knowledge and wherewithal would have prevented this abysmal regression from taking place. Fortunately most of the congregation is very gracious, and it hasn't been horribly hurtful (though I'm reserving my judgment for September when attendance typically picks up again) but it could have been.

Obviously it is important to rely some on a pastor's skills, knowledge, and experience. These people are trained to lead communities of faith. There is a reason we pay them (and not just because hopefully they preach good sermons every Sunday morning). That said, the pastor should not be the only leg on which a church's ministry stands. Leadership must come from within the community if the community is to be healthy. Likewise, pastors cannot hold their knowledge hostage, but must share with their church leaders in order to ensure ministries persist despite personnel changes.

Though it should be noted, the same could be said for other church leaders holding their knowledge hostage...

So have you experienced a gaping hole when church leadership changed? What are some lessons you learned from the experience? Please leave a comment below!


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Not In Our Backyard! or "I'm a Christian BUT..."

I am shocked and disgusted. I wasn't sure I was going to write this post, but I think I have to. There's a money lender table that needs flipping.

I have to point out the few things that strike me about the battle being waged against my father (and my Father, if you know what I mean).

My dad's church in Goleta has applied and received a permit to participate in a safe parking program. The program allows vetted individuals the opportunity to park in a safe location within the community. These are people who cannot afford a home. They have no home, which isn't too surprising considering they're living in a place which has one of the more expensive housing costs in the country (Thanks prop 13! Thanks no living wage!). The rules of the program in question are incredibly strict, and when violated a single time result in expulsion from the program.

We're not talking about drugged out vagrants here. We're talking about upstanding people who happen to be too poor to live in an apartment. There's a difference.

Poverty is not a crime. However many people from the community have effectively said this very thing. The idea of having poor people in their community is repellent. It is frightening - disgusting.

My father has often called me despairing the negative reaction of community members to the efforts his church is putting towards serving those in need in Goleta and Santa Barbara. He is just doing his job as a pastor, helping his church to realize the will of God in their community as they feel called. What could be more in line with Christian teaching than serving the homeless? I can't imagine anything more Christian.

But maybe my definition of Christian is off base.

One of the things he related to me which was particularly concerning was the repeated statement at the series of hearings held regarding this issue "I'm a Christian, BUT..." Inevitably this phrase is followed by another much more shocking phrase to the tune of "...not in my backyard!"

Ahem.

This type of sentence is akin to saying, "I'm a vegetarian but I eat chicken." Excuse me deary, but if you eat chicken, you're NOT a vegetarian. You're a fraud.

So, "I'm a Christian but I don't want homeless people staying across the street from me!" is confessing that actually, sorry, no - you're NOT a Christian. I don't think the Jews or Muslims would accept you. No, you're pretty much not adhering to the will of God. You're actually going AGAINST God. Read a few scriptures. You'll see it pretty clearly.

I will grant the fact that being a good person of faith is difficult to do. It's something that takes practice and discipline. But some choices presented to us are easy and logical and require little effort. This safe parking program is one of those easy choices. It's not even on the same level as giving your leftovers to the guy begging on the park bench. It's easier than that, and giving your leftovers away is PRETTY easy (speaking as someone who does that regularly when I actually have leftovers). Pushing against such a choice that would have a positive impact on a person's life is a horrible, wretched thing to do. It is not loving. It is not a reflection of God's will.

So, I pray most sincerely that the people of Goleta will be struck like Saul. I pray their hearts will be opened, they will hear the will of God and the call to be a good neighbor to all their neighbors, regardless of their income level or housing status. Amen.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Bad Taste - Negative Experiences Hurt Churches More Than Once

There is nothing like a bad taste in your mouth. Usually when you eat something bad, you correct it by brushing your teeth, chewing gum, or eating something good. But what if one thing wasn't enough to correct the bad taste? What if you needed to brush your teeth 55 times to get that awful aftertaste out of your mouth?

At a recent work meeting I was told it takes at least 55 positive experiences to undo a single bad one. So, what if you had 2 or 3 negative ones? It makes it difficult to come out feeling positively about a place or a group of people. It's no wonder so many people have a hard time sticking with a church.

Some might think it's okay to continue going much as they have, doing things the way they've always done them. But that doesn't work. The world changes. People change. The requirements for attracting and keeping people change. So what do you do as a church to make sure that one flub up doesn't prevent people from coming back? You work extra hard. You incorporate their ideas. You incorporate them into your small groups. You keep saying hello even after the 3 month mark. And you make sure you don't flub in a hurtful or so negative a way again.

It's not easy. But it can work. I have to believe it.


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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Big Stuck #7 - Sunday Christianity

There are 2 sides to this dinar - those who only are Christian on Sundays and those who say you can only be Christian if you go to Church on Sundays... *sigh*