Bigots, Beliefs, and Betterment

The world is complex and beautiful. So are people.

First, faith is not an excuse to be an asshole. Belief, in ANY ideology of ANY kind, does not give you the right to discriminate, to hate, to sadism, to evil.

That is all the self, which uses ideology to justify bad behavior.

Second, I identify with all of the following things:

• pro-choice
• wife
• socialist
• feminist
• mother
• writer
• artist
• spiritual
• political
• teacher
• singer
• social justice activist
• oh...and by the way...Christian.

I mean, the last one is really obvious from this blog (I think anyway) but you may or may not have known about the others. Some of them are innocuous identities (singer generally doesn't rock boats), but others come with a lot of baggage (feminist...for example) and none of them are mutually exclusive.

I repeat: none of these are mutually exclusive.

Life is not 1 or 0 - it does not function in a binary system of states. People are complex and varied. Belief, thought, and associations are fluid. They change. They morph. They are not exclusionary sets.

AND guess what? NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ANYONE.

So much more I have to learn about this guy...

For example, I love my husband, and I learn more about him the longer I'm around him. While I know him well, there is always more about him I can learn. That is part of why I like marriage so much; it gives me an intimate case study in humanity. And believe me, he continues to fascinate after nine years of being a couple and seven of marriage. And he's just one person...so imagine what that means for 7 billion...

Wow. That is mind-blowing to contemplate.

That number just reinforces the lesson I learned through my husband: you don't know shit so don't pretend like you do.

In the last week a lot of good things have happened here in the US, but these events have shown people for who they really are - some showed their bigotry on the right. Others on the left. The thing is, neither one thinks of themselves as such. Both think they're moral. Both are wrong.

Everyone is flawed. Everyone fails sometimes. Everyone has biases and prejudice in their hearts in some shape or form. The best of people recognize it and struggle with it. The worst encourage and entrench it. I hope I do the former and that if I start to slip into the latter, someone compassionately calls me on it to make me better (as we all should).

And...here's the thing...that is okay. It is okay to have these things because this is part of what it means to be human. We are imperfect. And, when we strive to be better, that is good. That is all I ask  - all I wish for humanity.

Accept yourselves where you are and strive to be better.

This is what God wants, or if you don't believe in God, this is the cumulative effort of the human project...so further it. Work on it. Work on yourselves. Check one another. Be examples in your efforts to improve and love.

And to start, remember to hold yourself accountable before you start throwing stones. They could just as easily hit you. I promise to do the same.

Going Through the Motions is Good

In the last 10 years I've had more than a few moments of doubt. Each crisis of faith has been intense, difficult, and often downright painful.

In one particular crisis of faith, I remember that I started writing my godfather with questions. I was really struggling and I wanted to talk to someone other than my parents (who have, for the majority of my life, served as both my parents and pastors...which is more than a little awkward). My godfather told me something that has stuck with me.

Sometimes you just have to fake it til you make it.

In other words, everyone has doubts. Everyone has difficult times. Yet if you are disciplined and work through the struggle, the questions, and whatever thoughts and feelings running through your mind, then you'll come out the other side with a strong faith.

Faith requires discipline. It isn't easy. It isn't for the weak. It is for the strong. It is for the determined - the persistent. And yes, sometimes this means going through the motions without really feeling the faith. It's kind of like marriage.

Sometimes in marriage you want to strangle your partner. Sometimes you want to run away, or play the field. But here's the thing - you don't. You stick with it. You deal with whatever issues have come up and you keep going. And then when you come out the other side, your relationship is stronger than ever.

This is the way of things.

Unfortunately it's a path that is frequently forgotten and despised by society at large. But I'm here to say it's worth pursuing. It's worth going through the motions to maintain faith until it is restored - because trust me, it will be. I've been through this enough times to know. You won't regret your decision.

Big Stuck #1 - Divorce

Sorry it took a while to get this up and running. We had some guests over the weekend (yay!) and I got an ear-infection. Needless to say, here it is: