You Deserve A Break

It's hard for me to read the news. I used to shun it because I found it so depressing that I couldn't stand existing afterwards. And then I got angry instead of sad, and it made it easier to keep on top of current events.

But with this day in age, it is easy to see everything and that gets a bit burdensome. I'm finding my heart heavy all the time - it is exhausting. I find myself thinking:

Shut up!
Oh my GOD! Stop worrying about [insert problem here]!
They would be better off dead/sick/injured anyway!
This is the way nature works!
It's their own damn fault!
So what?
Get over it!

On the other side of things, I find myself thinking:

How can you be so stupid?
How can you not understand [insert problem here]?
How can you not feel?
How can you not get angry/upset/frustrated?
How can you not do something?
Why is it so hard to see this is bullshit?
Why is it so hard to see this is going on?
Why is it so hard to see these daily things we're doing are causing people to die?!

I think everyone feels/thinks at least some of these things sometimes. And this is the price we pay for conquering the planet, wielding such technology that we do.

Compassion burnout.

So, when you get to this point, take a break. God rested. You should rest. Really.

Take a break already!

And during your break, do all those things that feel good. Eat good food. Laugh with friends. Have sex. Lounge in your underwear. Dance in your living room to your favorite playlist. Take a hike. Go for a swim. Lay on a field and look up at the sky. Play a game. Read your favorite book. Whatever you do, do it fully, completely, relishing joyfully in living.

Only when you are fully rested, soul and all, should you come back to the problems of the world. There are others who were working on things while you were gone. When you come back, others will take a break, grateful in knowing that someone else is working on those problems.

Remember: It's all good. It's all okay. We've got this. You don't need to save something every second of every day, and anyway, you'd die trying. That wouldn't help anything. God does NOT want that. So, pace yourself. Do what you can, and don't worry about the rest. Someone else is working on it. In the mean time, have some chocolate cake. You deserve it.

Action: A Divine Directive

I recently read an article from a secular humanist and was struck by the essential difference between nonbelievers and believers. Nonbelievers come to human rights from a perspective of ego (in the traditional sense of the word - it benefits society and humanity long term, which benefits the self) and in the best case, empathy (understanding others' perspectives.

Believers, people of faith, have additional incentives to act morally. We have something that an atheist does not have, can never have. In fact, it is the point which separates the nonbeliever and believer - believers serve Divine will.

In each world religion, it uses different language, but there are serious overlaps and in fact, much common ground between the cultural interpretations of Divine will. These surround issues of charity and treating others as we would like to be treated (compassion and empathy). These are Divine mandates.

Keeping this in mind, it behooves the believer, if he or she is practicing, to act. It would be immoral not to.  We must live our faith through actions directed by Divine will.

In the present socio-political climate, I see two rallying points for people of faith. To live one's faith requires addressing one of the following:

1. Economic inequality
2. Climate change

Within each of these areas are additional foci. Let's first unpack economic inequality.

Economic Inequality

Economic inequality is much more than issues of class or fiscal responsibility. It encompasses the following issues (in no particular order):

1. Racial inequality
2. Gender inequality
3. Healthcare
4. Shelter
5. Education
6. Labor protections
7. Taxes

This is a large list that requires much action for these issues to be addressed. A person of faith can work on any of these issues and be living their faith. However, if a person is not actively seeking to redress these issues, then I urge them to reconsider their faith and question their life choices.

Climate Change

Within the issue of climate change are a group of issues that require people of faith to act:

1. Food consumption and production
2. Energy consumption and production
3. Corporate greed
4. International trade
5. Manufacturing practices
6. Reproductive justice
7. Sustainable living practices

 

Now that you know...

This may seem scary and overwhelming, because this list of issues essentially calls for complete social revolution. That level of change frightens many people. After all, it is comfortable to go through the drive-through at fast food restaurants. It is comfortable to let the water run when brushing teeth. Brown lawns are ugly. Being on the top of the social hierarchy is nice. Why rock the boat?

Yes, why rock the boat?
Because God calls.

We can sit here, comfortably ignoring the fact that a black woman was murdered by a police officer for saying what was on her mind. We can sit here, comfortably ignoring the fact that Shell Oil company is drilling for oil in the arctic when we know using oil may bring about the death of humanity.

We can sit comfortably, plug our ears, cover our eyes, and watch as the world burns. That is possible. However, as believers, that would amount to ignoring God. We cannot ignore God. The Divine will, the directive to act, is overwhelming.

What does this mean for my life?

There are a few things that you can do right now.

1. Figure out which political candidate platforms address the most of above issues. Vote for them.
2. Sign petitions calling for policy changes in these areas.
3. Educate yourself on these issues.
4. Educate your family, friends, and neighbors on these issues.
5. Pick a few non-profit agencies that are doing things in your community to address these issues and volunteer.
6. Pick a few other agencies addressing either the same issues or others on the above list, and donate.
7. Eat local or make your own.
8. Walk more.
9. Use public transportation.
10. Practice empathy.
    

This is a start, but it is by no means an exhaustive list. We must overhaul our lives, and that takes time, resources, and practice. Each step brings us closer to our goal of living our faith in the world.

Bigots, Beliefs, and Betterment

The world is complex and beautiful. So are people.

First, faith is not an excuse to be an asshole. Belief, in ANY ideology of ANY kind, does not give you the right to discriminate, to hate, to sadism, to evil.

That is all the self, which uses ideology to justify bad behavior.

Second, I identify with all of the following things:

• pro-choice
• wife
• socialist
• feminist
• mother
• writer
• artist
• spiritual
• political
• teacher
• singer
• social justice activist
• oh...and by the way...Christian.

I mean, the last one is really obvious from this blog (I think anyway) but you may or may not have known about the others. Some of them are innocuous identities (singer generally doesn't rock boats), but others come with a lot of baggage (feminist...for example) and none of them are mutually exclusive.

I repeat: none of these are mutually exclusive.

Life is not 1 or 0 - it does not function in a binary system of states. People are complex and varied. Belief, thought, and associations are fluid. They change. They morph. They are not exclusionary sets.

AND guess what? NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ANYONE.

So much more I have to learn about this guy...

For example, I love my husband, and I learn more about him the longer I'm around him. While I know him well, there is always more about him I can learn. That is part of why I like marriage so much; it gives me an intimate case study in humanity. And believe me, he continues to fascinate after nine years of being a couple and seven of marriage. And he's just one person...so imagine what that means for 7 billion...

Wow. That is mind-blowing to contemplate.

That number just reinforces the lesson I learned through my husband: you don't know shit so don't pretend like you do.

In the last week a lot of good things have happened here in the US, but these events have shown people for who they really are - some showed their bigotry on the right. Others on the left. The thing is, neither one thinks of themselves as such. Both think they're moral. Both are wrong.

Everyone is flawed. Everyone fails sometimes. Everyone has biases and prejudice in their hearts in some shape or form. The best of people recognize it and struggle with it. The worst encourage and entrench it. I hope I do the former and that if I start to slip into the latter, someone compassionately calls me on it to make me better (as we all should).

And...here's the thing...that is okay. It is okay to have these things because this is part of what it means to be human. We are imperfect. And, when we strive to be better, that is good. That is all I ask  - all I wish for humanity.

Accept yourselves where you are and strive to be better.

This is what God wants, or if you don't believe in God, this is the cumulative effort of the human project...so further it. Work on it. Work on yourselves. Check one another. Be examples in your efforts to improve and love.

And to start, remember to hold yourself accountable before you start throwing stones. They could just as easily hit you. I promise to do the same.

The Sacred Human: Duggar and Jenner?

There are some things on which everyone should agree. And many pay lip service to such principles, however in their daily lives, in their words, it is a very different matter.

In the past few weeks several issues have dominated American pop cultural media, namely Josh Duggar and Caitlyn Jenner. These two individuals are radically different, and the issues they raise in public consciousness are very different, and yet, they pull at a fundamental issue that flies in the face of many identities and ideologies Americans hold dear. One, is an abuser, a hypocrite, defended by people clinging to a certain idea. His victims blamed for his evil acts, he going without punishment, and them going without assistance.

The other, a woman, once a man, who struggled with the question of who she was at a fundamental level, finally coming out in a very public way, to raise social consciousness of her trans brothers and sisters. Her efforts have opened her to a world of ridicule and abuse personally, even as she has given hope to those trans individuals of lesser means.

Duggar is given value above and beyond his victims. His victims, in fact, are relegated to less than human, even by certain members of the public. Meanwhile Jenner struggles to be viewed for her humanity, and her sacrifice of celebrity-outing forces many to confront their fundamental understanding of gender, thereby placing her in the crosshairs of many.

One is defended by the Christian right. The other is spurned by it, probably as devil-spawn.

What would God want for these two people? What would God want people of faith to do in the face of those with similar circumstances? 

People have inherent value as human beings and should be treated as such.

I believe that God wants all people to be valued at a fundamental level, that all people, by nature of being humans, have intrinsic value and deserve respect, courtesy, and compassion. This means, even a person who commits acts of horror, deserves these things. Does that preclude justice? No. As every human has value, victims deserve justice and a community deserves healing. But every person is a human being, even those who commit crimes.

If a person decides to change their body, to go against their cultural norms, their humanity has not changed. Whether you agree or disagree with their choices is unimportant due to one principle - they are human and deserve to be treated with value.
 
So what does this inherent value require of us? What would God have us do?

Well, if all people have value as humans then we have an obligation, as people of faith, to act on this standard in every aspect of life. This is not just an issue of respectful language or compassionate justice. It extends to all aspects of life, therefore:

1. Education should be accessible, which requires us to accommodate differences that might otherwise be obstacles, such as consolidated educational access or wealth.
2. Public spaces should be safe for all people engaged in their daily tasks - these spaces should be spaces of peaceful and compassionate interaction.
3. In order to maintain humanity and honor our children's value, we must safeguard our environment, seeking to bring about balance between our fundamental needs, and the rights of Earth.
4. Healthy food, living space, water, and access to care must be easily available to all people.
5. To see the value of all people, one must have a degree of empathy. This must be understood at a deep level, and therefore should be a part of every aspect of culture. The first question we must ask is, what are the feelings involved? Only then can we find a positive solution.
6. All people deserve the same rights and privileges as they are equal. There is no difference between people in this respect - no preference on any single identity or belief or appearance or ability etc.
7. If a person is struggling in some way, it is our duty to address the struggle, as a family, community, country, and world. Rather than shame or vilify that person, we should extend our hands in supportive care.
8. We must act from a place of peace when coming to conflict - in our daily lives, as well as the global stage.
9. Justice must be served in a way that facilitates healing of victims and community, as well as intervening and rehabilitating perpetrators. 

If we are to do this, everything changes. How we live in every part of our lives must change. How we address one another, how we spend our time and money, the kinds of legislation we pass all must change. And that is uncomfortable for people. Some will have to give up their present state of excess. Others will be lifted up. And that is threatening and frightening to many.

If you find it threatening, I urge you to think about why you find it threatening. What is so upsetting about everyone having inherent value? What is so upsetting about these potential changes? Only then will you know where you must focus your energies to align with God's desire for our world.

If you find this exciting and uplifting, I urge you to act in accordance with this Divine vision. Challenge those who find it uncomfortable in a way that allows them to confront their perspective and facilitates personal and social growth.

It is only by spreading this vision that we will be able to move forward with our humanity - that we can find a world filled with wholeness, peace, and compassion.

Morality, Calling, and Signposts

Bleak? Or a change in the weather?

I am struggling to see the good in the world today. Last night I read another article about another group of politicians intending to hurt people by taking away basic necessities and it kept me awake. It made me physically sick. It made me so angry that someone who claimed to be for family, for God, would do something, even if it is only political strategy, at the expense of people's lives.

There is no excuse.

No major world religion I have read about wants this. And I have read a LOT about gods. I have read a LOT about religion. A LOT. It is one of the things that comes up in my life over and over.

And I love people. I mean, I hate them, but I love them. Sort of like Jonah. Sometimes I don't want to save people from themselves...some of them may not deserve it...but then again, even the worst can repent.

And they should have a chance. But shouldn't there be consequences for hurting thousands of people? Isn't that - more than anything - immoral?

But I cannot focus on this. I cannot keep turning towards this, except as motivation to spur me forward - to create positive change around me. And I am motivated. Everything I read stokes my fire. Every conversation I have pushes me in the same direction.

This past week I met a person who gave me a huge jolt of positive energy. Talking with her affirmed what I am doing. I realized that God wasn't content with closing all the other options, but decided to send me a few more signposts. I received positive responses to my speaking inquiries. I received positive responses to my story from more than one quarter - from friends, strangers, and professional acquaintances.

If there was any doubt, it is gone. Whatever happens from here on out, I am not worried. Whatever happens, at least I know I'm fulfilling my calling. And that is edifying, even as it requires fire.

Silence is Poison: I'm Talking Now

This has taken a lot of thought - a long time and much consideration. There are so many issues in our country and our world, I struggled to decide what to write - what focus was most needed here.

So here it is... the hard bitter truth.

It is easy for me to sit here, in the comfort of my parents' house, and make pronouncements about the state of the world. For the time being, I have food, a bed, a roof, and a loving family. I have education. I live everyday with consolidated power and resources that others fantasize about. I live in a place that is the perfect temperature most of the year. The ocean is minutes away. Flowers bloom all year. The sun shines.

It would be easy to sit here and ignore everything. It would be easy to get roped into ideas about prosperity being a heavenly mandate. It would be easy to forget about the other difficult parts of my life, to let them fade into memory, and ignore their lessons. It would be easy to forget my beautiful students from Oakland, or the farm workers down the road, or the women and children in shelters downtown. It would be easy.

I could ignore murders, rapes, molestations, homelessness, and unemployment. I could ignore victim blaming and the consolidation of power and resources by the wealthy. I could ignore rich white Christians getting hot and bothered about marriage equality, while people are dying in the streets and poor children go without food or shelter.

I could ignore these things, and eat a three course meal every night on china. I could drink expensive mixed drinks and wear designer clothing and party like everything was fun and fancy-free. I could.

And if I did, what would I be? Not Christian. That is for sure. No, I would be the embodiment of sin. I would be evil.

It is our responsibility, no matter how privileged we are, to stand with our sisters and brothers. It is our responsibility to expand access to education and health care. It is our responsibility to expand the possibility of love and friendship. It is our responsibility to serve one another and give voice to the voiceless. It is our responsibility to shed light on the places of shadow in our society.

Do not be fooled. God does not want us to stand with the law when the law protects privilege. God does not want us to stand with power when that power is one of oppression.

And this is uncomfortable. God requires us to get uncomfortable. That means, accepting the fact that yes - men are the most dangerous threat to women.  That means accepting the fact that yes - white people have systematically oppressed minorities for centuries. That means accepting the fact that yes -  our entire American society, law, culture, and businesses, are structured to funnel more power and resources to the rich.

When we accept these things as true, the whole game changes. The conversation shifts. And then the question becomes, what are you going to do about it?
There are three options:

1. Keep quiet. Do nothing, which means you are for the current situation.
2. Actively support the current situation (i.e. punish people for being poor, kill black men and women, punish women for being women, punish gay people for being gay...).
3. Or you can protest. You can write. You can fight. You can share alternative news narratives. You can educate yourself on how to be an ally to those with less of a voice, those with less privilege, and fewer rights.

I denied this call for many years. I denied it, and with it, a part of myself. I stayed silent, and it was an evil thing. I made myself sick. I was the worst kind of sinner, and for that, I beg your forgiveness.

It is for all these reasons that I wrote my story in THRIVE. It is a small story, in a large network of stories. There are so many people who have endured worse. There are so many people who were never given the chance to speak. It is for them I reveal myself. It is for them, I do the thing I was called to do - to be vulnerable. I might not be able to protest in Baltimore, or volunteer at Planned Parenthood, or All Out, or aggressively lobby for income-based penalties.

But I can do this.

#silenceispoison
#imtalkingnow
#THRIVE 

To End The Drought

Sitting down in front of the keys, a thousand thoughts go through my head. I think of ISIS, of little girls with books, of insane people conflating Christianity with "God on America's Side," of chocolate bunnies, of frightening droughts, of lying billionaires moving suited pawns across legislatures...

I think of my bank account, of my aching foot, of the fact that my computer is on its last leg, of the fact that capitalism doesn't work well for people with my kind of motivation and values...

I think of all the flaws and the fears of the world in the span of a moment. They flash before my mind's eye. It is a dizzying, horrifying, freak show, and I really don't recommend it. It's vomit inducing.

I could write about any single one of these things, and while they each could be twisted into a faith post, the reality is together, they mean so much more.

The world is scary. It is dark. It is full of awful, terrible, no good things. People use the same ideology and evidence to support their views, often with selfish aims, and with complete disregard for the consequences if they win their arguments.

In this season of Lent, I have to remind myself, and you, that it is darkest just before the dawn. All of these things are true...are present...and they must be addressed. You must decide what to do with the chocolate bunny, and how to re-landscape your lawn because grass is not going to work any more. These are bitter pills for the average Californian (and the rest of the US). You must decide how to address your faith - and work, or not, with others across the world to bring about Shalom - that yearned state of the Divine.

And for us Christians, yes, these things weigh on us, and it is hard and scary and we want to hide our faces under our pillows and stay in our cozy beds. But Jesus still died a horrible death...and returned.

As my father likes to quote, in his best imitation of a whooping preacher...

"It's Good Friday...BUT EASTER'S COMIN'!"

One more time...

"It's Good Friday...BUT EASTER IS COMIN'!"

We are not alone. In the midst of the faithful, is a large bubbling, untapped wellspring of love and light. It is time to end the drought.

Rush forth my brothers and sisters - come forward - your time in now.

Giving In: The Lenten Journey

Wednesday marked the beginning of Lent. Lent - the season of atonement, of contemplation, of introspection. Lent - the season of Fish Fridays, boring crackers, and Stations of the Cross.

Lent - the lead up to the holiest of days in the Christian calendar, Easter.

I don't usually follow the tradition of giving up something for the season. I always felt it to be strange to give up chocolate for six weeks, for example, only to binge on Easter Sunday. I always felt if I were to give up something, I would give it up permanently, to go all in, as it were.

This year, however, I do want to make a promise to myself, or to God. I have a few ideas, and even though Lent has begun, I still haven't committed to one. Perhaps this is because I feel like I am doing all I can as a person - in my relationships, and vocation. I feel like I can't do much more than I am already doing. If I did choose to do one more thing, I feel like something else would suffer. I have a limited amount of attention I can give to any one thing. I have a limited amount of patience, which has worn thin with lack of sleep, reading an abundance of depressing news articles, and suffering through other people's problems. I have a limited amount of discipline, which thus far is spent on maintaining my commitment to my writing (and blogging), as well as step counts, and maintaining a certain level of calorie consumption.

Perhaps instead of giving something up, like chocolate or alcohol, it would make more sense to give in... Give in to the fact that I am only human, and accept myself for my limitations, weaknesses, strengths and everything in between. Give in to the fact that Creation works in concert perfectly and always seeks balance. Give in to Divine inspiration and allow myself to be a vessel for words and deeds of compassion and peace, justice and wisdom.

Give in to the greater picture, where I do not exist, except as a cell with a specific purpose in the larger body.

If I can do that, maybe I will find some grounding that can anchor me in mindfulness and inner peace, despite everything else. Perhaps that is my Lenten journey.

Probably would have been easier to give up chocolate.

Church Attendance: You Need A Date Night

I'm going to be honest here. I totally judge people - and I judge people almost as harshly as I judge myself. It's a fault. I admit it. It's part of my personality (Myers-Briggs got it right with me, that's for sure!).

And what's one of the things I judge people on? It's one of those things that you might think marks me as some kind of strange 21st century-1950s hybrid. Yes. Church attendance.

Everyone who knows anything about relationships knows they take work. Relationships are not easy. They aren't something you can just expect to stay on cloud nine all the time. They require effort. They require commitment.

It's been said that Jesus is like a groom and the Church his bride.

Are you picking up what I'm putting down here?

COMMITMENT.

Faith takes commitment. It is a daily thing. It requires effort. It requires active participation. When your girlfriend, lover, spouse, partner comes home that day, you don't ignore them. You talk to them. You do chores around the house. You help pay bills. You have a regular date night.

Think of attending church, or temple, or mosque as your weekly date night. Because that's what it is. It's part of your commitment. It's your weekly rejuvenating shot to your spiritual relationship.

What happens when you miss a date night? What happens when you keep missing date nights? You stop connecting with your partner. Your relationship starts to get messy. Maybe you lose a little spark. It fosters discord and dissonance in your relationship. It contributes to creating a negative relationship environment. Maybe it contributes to relationship death.

The same thing happens when you stop going to church or temple. Your connection to God gets a little fuzzy. Your spiritual focus gets lost. An emptiness starts to grow in your heart. A darkness takes root in your spirit. It won't be big at first. You may not even be aware of it, at least at first.

But let me tell you, when you show up to worship that first Sunday after a break, you're going to feel what you were missing. You're going to realize that you were undervaluing your relationship with God and that you lost focus. You're going to realize that Divine relationship is one of the most important things in your life and you need that time. You need to make the time. You need to recommit.

You don't make excuses to ignore your spouse, so stop making excuses not to go to Church.

Modern Samaritans

This past week I moved. As part of the move I had the chance to spend several hours in the car with my infant son and my mother-in-law. This might sound like a horrible thing to some people (and indeed for some it might in fact be a horrible thing)  but my baby is a darling and I genuinely like my mother-in-law.

So we got to talk...for about 5 hours. We talked about many things but most importantly I was able to ask her about her brother. This is something I've wanted to ask for a long time. My mother-in-law's brother was killed in a plane crash along with her father many years before. While they come up in conversation on occasion, it was rare for any details to be shared. My husband, however, always brings up the subject for his grandmother because he looks so much like his long dead uncle.

It turns out that's not the only resemblance.

As we talked, I learned Christian's uncle had many similar personality traits, including something that has caused some inconvenience for me on more than one occasion. Like his uncle, Christian is generous and helpful. He inherited the need to help people. Every time we come upon a stranded motorist, Christian wants to stop and help them. If there is someone clearly in distress on the sidewalk where we are, he wants to stop and help them. This has made us late, completely derailed our schedule, and sometimes required urgent searches for toilets.

While it can be inconvenient, I wouldn't trade this trait in my husband, or his family, for anything. There are so few people who will stop and help a person these days, that my husband seems to be a dying breed. I don't know if this is because fewer people are raised in the Church and so no longer have the drive to do good deeds or if it is due to the fear of other people that is instilled in us through news media. Whatever the case, it is rare that a person will stop to help another.

I wish I was comfortable stopping to help a random person, but I'm not Christian. My husband is a large, intimidating man, and could easily handle a crazy or violent person. I cannot. However, I do help when I feel safe doing so. Giving my leftover lunch to someone who is obviously hungry and begging on the street is an easy thing. Giving up my seat in the doctor's office to an old woman who is unsteady on her feet is a no-brainer. While these aren't as spectacular as the help my husband gives, they are definitely appreciated by the person being helped.

This is the kind of giving and compassionate heart people of faith must have. These actions bring light to the world. I hope as a mother, I can bring more of this as well as instill that kind of love and caring in my son. We should all be modern day good Samaritans.

Even Atheists Should Go To Church

I have a friend who is an atheist. Actually, I have a number of friends who consider themselves to be atheists because I'm an equal opportunity friend. As long as you're a person who is interested in learning, growing, and trying to make the world a better place, I'm interested in possibly having you as a friend.

However, this particular atheist friend of mine is unusual in that he goes to church.

Let me repeat myself... I have an atheist friend who goes to church.

In fact, he was recruited to help make some structural changes in this church where he attends and so has been very active in the inner workings of this particular faith community. He even confessed to me that times when he's attended worship, he's found some interesting reflections in the sermon that were helpful to him in his life.

Is your mind blown yet? Because it shouldn't be.

Yes my friend doesn't believe in God. Despite this, he has found some major benefits and possibly some community in this particular church. You see, belief doesn't preclude benefits of participating in a community of faith.

A lot of people think that participating in a church or temple is somehow a bad thing. They think that being a member of such a local organization somehow ties them to all the bad things that come from institutions.

Yes, there will always be annoying politics and sniping and all of that. Of course. We're still talking about people here! And yes, people are flawed (just to remind you - so are you - so am I!). But beyond that, we're also talking about a group of people who care for one another. This is how, even though I've only been attending my current church since April, they're throwing us a baby shower this Sunday. This is how even though we've been attending since April, I get hugs from multiple people every Sunday morning.

This is why faith communities are so great.

This is why even an atheist benefits from attending church. Because ultimately, the belief thing doesn't really matter. You can believe whatever you want alone in your room somewhere. No one knows...and no one has to care. BUT...you can't get that love and support that comes from community without well, community. Your thinking can't be challenged without some influx of differing ideas coming your way. These are the things that don't happen when you're alone in your room. These are things that happen at church.

I'm not saying you should go to just any church or temple. They all feel very different and each has their own way of doing things (It's a lot easier to believe whatever you want in a Quaker or Baptist community than say a Catholic or Pentecostal community, for example.). However there is a faith community that will fit with you. It won't be perfect, but none of us are. There will be things that may make you cringe. Hopefully one of them is your passion, and you can get hooked in and make something great happen even if no one there believes exactly the same thing you do. 

Getting Over Grudges

In the interest of not getting any particular person in trouble, I will not point out specific situations in the following discussion. I will speak in generalities. So humor me - it's less dangerous this way.

I have noticed that people take things personally.

Whopping surprise, isn't it? Wow, Alexis! People take things personally! Who would have thought?!

Yes, I know. It is common knowledge this is a problem for many individuals. However, this is not just an individual problem. Whenever we are part of a community the way we process information affects how we interact in that community and therefore, affects communal health.

You see where I'm going with this?

Let's examine the most problematic example in taking something personally - the grudge. Gah! I hate grudges! They eat people up inside and come out in passive aggressive and extremely hurtful ways. They can destroy a family or a community. They almost always destroy the person holding them, especially if the grudge is large enough. Grudges are poison, and poison spreads.

Often times the person holding the grudge won't even realize they're holding it. They won't realize their actions are being influenced by these feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment. They can't see how their words are being shaped into weapons, tearing people down, rather than tools meant to build people up.

So if you're in a community of faith and see someone else has a grudge, what do you do? Well, the most difficult thing (and the most necessary) is to get the person to admit their feelings. When they are voiced, they can be dealt with. Bringing things to the light of day allows for healing and cleansing. If you can't help this person deal with their feelings, find someone who can. You are likely not the only person to have observed their hurtful behavior.

Once the person has dealt with their grudge, then the next step is to help them realize actions are not personal. Even if they are, our reactions do not have to let them be personal. It is our choice how we react to a situation.  Choose wisely.

Big Stuck #6 - Abortion

It's a sticking point not only for the Church, but also American society. In fact it has become more important in elections than other topics such as Social Security and health-care... something strange about that one...