The question of my calling has always been in the back of my head. The idea of being in ministry has plagued me since before I could talk. It's the family business after all. My uncle is a minister. My second cousin is a minister. A couple generations back I had a relative who was a missionary and died in the field. Most importantly, my parents are both ministers.
Then of course, there are the family friends who are ministers - of which there are many. Even my godfather is a world renowned biblical scholar. And those are just the Christian friends. That doesn't even touch the Jewish, Hindu, and Islamic religious leaders my family knows and loves.
I grew up surrounded by religion.
So of course, the question arose, "Isn't Alexis going to be a pastor too?"
After all, I have all the skills. If people were bred for particular jobs, I could have been bred for the ministry. I speak, teach, and write well. People regularly come to me asking for advice. I can boil any problem down to its essentials. I have a knowledge of other cultures and perspectives. I know how to structure a worship service for maximum effectiveness. I can even sing and understand music (a bonus, though not strictly necessary to be a pastor).
BUT I have run away from the idea of being a pastor forever. The idea of being stuck with a church and dealing with all the problems I watched my parents deal with regularly sounds like a special kind of hell to me. Yet ministry isn't just about being a pastor. There are many kinds of ministry...
Now I find myself in a situation where the question of ministry has resurfaced. And seriously, it couldn't be more tangled up and crazy if I asked for it.
Let me explain without giving all the gory details.
A pastor is asked to leave because he did some really REALLY bad things that hurt a bunch of people. I knew he was within months of leaving the church when we started attending there. I also knew some of the things he had trouble with in general, though I didn't know the particulars. I knew these things without being told even BEFORE his resignation was announced. One of those people, in a position of influence in the church, was hurt very personally. I happen to have some experience with the same kind of hurt, and so am able to understand her situation, as well as communicate about it a bit more than someone without that experience.
The interim pastor in one of her sermons described foreknowledge as "discernment" and something necessary for a church, particularly one looking for where to go next. I met with her and told her about my knowledge, and she pointed out this ability as "discernment." We talked some more and we discussed our Myers-Briggs types. I'm an INFJ while she is an ENFP. These two types work extremely well together and their abilities generally compliment one another.
Needless to say, I feel like I fit in this situation a little too perfectly.
It's been a long time since God made things so evident in my life. Sure I've had moments where it was clear I was in the right place and time, but nothing that felt like it was prompting me to action. Here it is clear there is something I need to do. I'm not convinced it is help this particular church... I mean, yes obviously that is a part of it. Still it feels like there is something I need to take away from this situation. I feel like there is a lesson here - a growth opportunity for me. I know it's not something like patience. I learned that with my art students this past year (Oh kindergarteners! Oh prepubescents!). This is something more complex and more subtle. This is something that is directional. This is something that will get to my core.
I know this, the same way I knew about the pastor - the same way I knew this year was going to be a big year for my husband and I. It is unsettling.
More than ever, I'm on my guard. I'm both steeling myself against whatever might be coming my way because I know it will be big, as well as looking to find whatever clues might be hidden in even the most casual off-hand remarks. The signs are all there. Now I just have to wait to see what will be revealed. I'm both anxious and excited, because I have no idea how this will turn out. It wasn't a part of my plans at all. This is completely a God thing.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Freethinking is Not Atheism
In the past week I was bombarded by a multitude of people and things around this issue of thought versus faith. Clearly God wanted it discussed. After all, there are no coincidences...
It unsettles me when someone associates "freethinking" with atheism and only atheism. This is frankly bizarre. How can one group of people be universally freethinking? It doesn't matter what the group is, there will be people who are dependent on the thoughts of others as well as independent thinkers. This is a given. There is no group of people who doesn't have this spectrum (even academics, bless their hearts, have dependent thinkers in their midst!).
Thought and faith are not mutually exclusive.
The idea that I am incapable of thinking critically or analytically because I happen to ascribe to a belief system is silly. This is like the false assumption that scientists cannot be believers. Science and faith are not mutually exclusive. In fact, many scientists do believe.
I would argue, rather than weakening my faith, my ability to ask difficult questions and struggle with them makes my faith stronger. It is, after all, easy to be told what to think and accept it without question. People like that, as a general rule. It is much harder, and takes a stronger person to wrestle with difficult questions and come out with their faith in tact.
Consider, once I left my father's house (I say father because he is the one who told me I couldn't attend any other church or faith community until I left), I decided to learn more about other faith traditions. I went on to study them in great detail. I considered becoming a Sikh. I considered becoming a Muslim. I considered going off on a wild gallivanting path through Wiccan ritual. I considered believing in nothing. I wrestled with all these things and more. I questioned everything I'd been taught. I have a miniature religious studies library upstairs that few people can boast. I read holy scriptures and I listened to testimonies and talked with people. I came to several conclusions.
Now tell me, am I not a freethinker?
Before anyone assumes that all religious people are sheeple, please remember my story and how I wrestled with my faith by asking difficult questions and studying religion comparatively. There are more people in the world like me. Do us a favor, and do not assume we cannot think for ourselves, and we won't assume you can. :-)
It unsettles me when someone associates "freethinking" with atheism and only atheism. This is frankly bizarre. How can one group of people be universally freethinking? It doesn't matter what the group is, there will be people who are dependent on the thoughts of others as well as independent thinkers. This is a given. There is no group of people who doesn't have this spectrum (even academics, bless their hearts, have dependent thinkers in their midst!).
Thought and faith are not mutually exclusive.
The idea that I am incapable of thinking critically or analytically because I happen to ascribe to a belief system is silly. This is like the false assumption that scientists cannot be believers. Science and faith are not mutually exclusive. In fact, many scientists do believe.
I would argue, rather than weakening my faith, my ability to ask difficult questions and struggle with them makes my faith stronger. It is, after all, easy to be told what to think and accept it without question. People like that, as a general rule. It is much harder, and takes a stronger person to wrestle with difficult questions and come out with their faith in tact.
Consider, once I left my father's house (I say father because he is the one who told me I couldn't attend any other church or faith community until I left), I decided to learn more about other faith traditions. I went on to study them in great detail. I considered becoming a Sikh. I considered becoming a Muslim. I considered going off on a wild gallivanting path through Wiccan ritual. I considered believing in nothing. I wrestled with all these things and more. I questioned everything I'd been taught. I have a miniature religious studies library upstairs that few people can boast. I read holy scriptures and I listened to testimonies and talked with people. I came to several conclusions.
- Religion is cultural. The institution provides a framework that speaks to a given place and time. Therefore, all religions will not speak to all people.
- Religion has some truth. The question is, how much truth and what are the misrepresentations? Then, can you live with the misrepresentations present?
- My beliefs don't have to follow the strict party line. I can believe things that don't necessarily agree with the dogma of a given community. This is a common practice, otherwise we'd have a lot more Catholics in the world (just saying, natural family planning only goes so far).
- I'm still a Christian.
Now tell me, am I not a freethinker?
Before anyone assumes that all religious people are sheeple, please remember my story and how I wrestled with my faith by asking difficult questions and studying religion comparatively. There are more people in the world like me. Do us a favor, and do not assume we cannot think for ourselves, and we won't assume you can. :-)
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Starting Over in a Church: What Happens When Pastors Leave
Recently the church I have been attending lost their pastor. Well, technically he resigned (and with good cause). The massive hole he left in his wake has been difficult for the congregation to deal with. He was there a long time (22 years!) and many parts of the church depended on him to function effectively.
As a child of 2 ministers, I had never been the one to stay when a pastor left. I was always part of the family leaving. I never saw the aftermath of even an amicable parting, let alone a difficult one. I had no idea what to expect or exactly what the process would be like. I don't even know everyone's name yet. I've only been going to this church for 2 months.
And somehow I'm on the worship committee.
Sigh.
One of the things that I discovered in my short time sitting in on worship committee meetings is the necessity for sustainable structures in a community of faith. A danger for smaller faith communities is relying too much on any single person for ministries or knowledge. In a small church, it is easy to heavily rely on the knowledge, skills, and experience of the pastor. But what happens when the pastor leaves? He or she takes that body of knowledge, skills, and experience with them, leaving a gaping hole in the middle of the church, which the community has to scramble to fill.
Instead, it is better to train church members in various skills in order to make them more self-reliant. A pastor should be a guide, not the whole show. Yes, this is difficult to do when the community is small, but delegating tasks to various church members isn't an impossibility. Fostering leaders within the church in different aspects of worship, care, and other areas benefits everyone. Not only does it take some of the burden off the minister, which prevents burn out, but it also prevents that gaping hole from occurring when the pastor leaves. This means the church doesn't stop or regress when the pastor leaves, which benefits the community as a whole because it maintains community health.
For example, this particular church in question had a pastor who was very musically inclined. When he left, the music went back to hymns right out of the hymnal and most of them were written before 1932. No one knew what to do. It was like this person hadn't been there for 22 years. Suddenly the mantle of worship music had to be taken up by someone else, and no one knew exactly how to do that or where to access new songs etc. No one had that knowledge and no one had been trained to maintain the ministry of music in a way that spoke to this particular congregation.
In short, it was a huge blow.
Having more members in the community with that knowledge and wherewithal would have prevented this abysmal regression from taking place. Fortunately most of the congregation is very gracious, and it hasn't been horribly hurtful (though I'm reserving my judgment for September when attendance typically picks up again) but it could have been.
Obviously it is important to rely some on a pastor's skills, knowledge, and experience. These people are trained to lead communities of faith. There is a reason we pay them (and not just because hopefully they preach good sermons every Sunday morning). That said, the pastor should not be the only leg on which a church's ministry stands. Leadership must come from within the community if the community is to be healthy. Likewise, pastors cannot hold their knowledge hostage, but must share with their church leaders in order to ensure ministries persist despite personnel changes.
Though it should be noted, the same could be said for other church leaders holding their knowledge hostage...
So have you experienced a gaping hole when church leadership changed? What are some lessons you learned from the experience? Please leave a comment below!
As a child of 2 ministers, I had never been the one to stay when a pastor left. I was always part of the family leaving. I never saw the aftermath of even an amicable parting, let alone a difficult one. I had no idea what to expect or exactly what the process would be like. I don't even know everyone's name yet. I've only been going to this church for 2 months.
And somehow I'm on the worship committee.
Sigh.
One of the things that I discovered in my short time sitting in on worship committee meetings is the necessity for sustainable structures in a community of faith. A danger for smaller faith communities is relying too much on any single person for ministries or knowledge. In a small church, it is easy to heavily rely on the knowledge, skills, and experience of the pastor. But what happens when the pastor leaves? He or she takes that body of knowledge, skills, and experience with them, leaving a gaping hole in the middle of the church, which the community has to scramble to fill.
Instead, it is better to train church members in various skills in order to make them more self-reliant. A pastor should be a guide, not the whole show. Yes, this is difficult to do when the community is small, but delegating tasks to various church members isn't an impossibility. Fostering leaders within the church in different aspects of worship, care, and other areas benefits everyone. Not only does it take some of the burden off the minister, which prevents burn out, but it also prevents that gaping hole from occurring when the pastor leaves. This means the church doesn't stop or regress when the pastor leaves, which benefits the community as a whole because it maintains community health.
For example, this particular church in question had a pastor who was very musically inclined. When he left, the music went back to hymns right out of the hymnal and most of them were written before 1932. No one knew what to do. It was like this person hadn't been there for 22 years. Suddenly the mantle of worship music had to be taken up by someone else, and no one knew exactly how to do that or where to access new songs etc. No one had that knowledge and no one had been trained to maintain the ministry of music in a way that spoke to this particular congregation.
In short, it was a huge blow.
Having more members in the community with that knowledge and wherewithal would have prevented this abysmal regression from taking place. Fortunately most of the congregation is very gracious, and it hasn't been horribly hurtful (though I'm reserving my judgment for September when attendance typically picks up again) but it could have been.
Obviously it is important to rely some on a pastor's skills, knowledge, and experience. These people are trained to lead communities of faith. There is a reason we pay them (and not just because hopefully they preach good sermons every Sunday morning). That said, the pastor should not be the only leg on which a church's ministry stands. Leadership must come from within the community if the community is to be healthy. Likewise, pastors cannot hold their knowledge hostage, but must share with their church leaders in order to ensure ministries persist despite personnel changes.
Though it should be noted, the same could be said for other church leaders holding their knowledge hostage...
So have you experienced a gaping hole when church leadership changed? What are some lessons you learned from the experience? Please leave a comment below!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Not In Our Backyard! or "I'm a Christian BUT..."
I am shocked and disgusted. I wasn't sure I was going to write this post, but I think I have to. There's a money lender table that needs flipping.
I have to point out the few things that strike me about the battle being waged against my father (and my Father, if you know what I mean).
My dad's church in Goleta has applied and received a permit to participate in a safe parking program. The program allows vetted individuals the opportunity to park in a safe location within the community. These are people who cannot afford a home. They have no home, which isn't too surprising considering they're living in a place which has one of the more expensive housing costs in the country (Thanks prop 13! Thanks no living wage!). The rules of the program in question are incredibly strict, and when violated a single time result in expulsion from the program.
We're not talking about drugged out vagrants here. We're talking about upstanding people who happen to be too poor to live in an apartment. There's a difference.
Poverty is not a crime. However many people from the community have effectively said this very thing. The idea of having poor people in their community is repellent. It is frightening - disgusting.
My father has often called me despairing the negative reaction of community members to the efforts his church is putting towards serving those in need in Goleta and Santa Barbara. He is just doing his job as a pastor, helping his church to realize the will of God in their community as they feel called. What could be more in line with Christian teaching than serving the homeless? I can't imagine anything more Christian.
But maybe my definition of Christian is off base.
One of the things he related to me which was particularly concerning was the repeated statement at the series of hearings held regarding this issue "I'm a Christian, BUT..." Inevitably this phrase is followed by another much more shocking phrase to the tune of "...not in my backyard!"
Ahem.
This type of sentence is akin to saying, "I'm a vegetarian but I eat chicken." Excuse me deary, but if you eat chicken, you're NOT a vegetarian. You're a fraud.
So, "I'm a Christian but I don't want homeless people staying across the street from me!" is confessing that actually, sorry, no - you're NOT a Christian. I don't think the Jews or Muslims would accept you. No, you're pretty much not adhering to the will of God. You're actually going AGAINST God. Read a few scriptures. You'll see it pretty clearly.
I will grant the fact that being a good person of faith is difficult to do. It's something that takes practice and discipline. But some choices presented to us are easy and logical and require little effort. This safe parking program is one of those easy choices. It's not even on the same level as giving your leftovers to the guy begging on the park bench. It's easier than that, and giving your leftovers away is PRETTY easy (speaking as someone who does that regularly when I actually have leftovers). Pushing against such a choice that would have a positive impact on a person's life is a horrible, wretched thing to do. It is not loving. It is not a reflection of God's will.
So, I pray most sincerely that the people of Goleta will be struck like Saul. I pray their hearts will be opened, they will hear the will of God and the call to be a good neighbor to all their neighbors, regardless of their income level or housing status. Amen.
I have to point out the few things that strike me about the battle being waged against my father (and my Father, if you know what I mean).
My dad's church in Goleta has applied and received a permit to participate in a safe parking program. The program allows vetted individuals the opportunity to park in a safe location within the community. These are people who cannot afford a home. They have no home, which isn't too surprising considering they're living in a place which has one of the more expensive housing costs in the country (Thanks prop 13! Thanks no living wage!). The rules of the program in question are incredibly strict, and when violated a single time result in expulsion from the program.
We're not talking about drugged out vagrants here. We're talking about upstanding people who happen to be too poor to live in an apartment. There's a difference.
Poverty is not a crime. However many people from the community have effectively said this very thing. The idea of having poor people in their community is repellent. It is frightening - disgusting.
My father has often called me despairing the negative reaction of community members to the efforts his church is putting towards serving those in need in Goleta and Santa Barbara. He is just doing his job as a pastor, helping his church to realize the will of God in their community as they feel called. What could be more in line with Christian teaching than serving the homeless? I can't imagine anything more Christian.
But maybe my definition of Christian is off base.
One of the things he related to me which was particularly concerning was the repeated statement at the series of hearings held regarding this issue "I'm a Christian, BUT..." Inevitably this phrase is followed by another much more shocking phrase to the tune of "...not in my backyard!"
Ahem.
This type of sentence is akin to saying, "I'm a vegetarian but I eat chicken." Excuse me deary, but if you eat chicken, you're NOT a vegetarian. You're a fraud.
So, "I'm a Christian but I don't want homeless people staying across the street from me!" is confessing that actually, sorry, no - you're NOT a Christian. I don't think the Jews or Muslims would accept you. No, you're pretty much not adhering to the will of God. You're actually going AGAINST God. Read a few scriptures. You'll see it pretty clearly.
I will grant the fact that being a good person of faith is difficult to do. It's something that takes practice and discipline. But some choices presented to us are easy and logical and require little effort. This safe parking program is one of those easy choices. It's not even on the same level as giving your leftovers to the guy begging on the park bench. It's easier than that, and giving your leftovers away is PRETTY easy (speaking as someone who does that regularly when I actually have leftovers). Pushing against such a choice that would have a positive impact on a person's life is a horrible, wretched thing to do. It is not loving. It is not a reflection of God's will.
So, I pray most sincerely that the people of Goleta will be struck like Saul. I pray their hearts will be opened, they will hear the will of God and the call to be a good neighbor to all their neighbors, regardless of their income level or housing status. Amen.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
What The Boston Bombings Can Teach Us
I know it's been some time since the attacks in Boston. And some people would say there was only one thing to take from such a tragedy - we in America need to toughen up security. Fear increased and so did accusations - about the people responsible as well as their motives.
I would argue this has actually taught us quite the opposite. By living in one of the most diverse countries in the world, necessarily there will always be differences. We are a nation of immigrants. The idea that we could some how homogenize our society is preposterous.
Rather than point fingers and stereotype, it behooves us to spend time learning about one another. How can we do that? What is the common ground on which we can stand?
Ironically, those fingers pointing to religion as a wall, could just as easily point us to a solution. By spending time educating ourselves about the commonalities between religions, we can start to have not only conversations, but work on the issues that concern all of us - like poverty and hunger - as opposed to getting hung up on doctrine or dogma.
Moving forward, I pray we will build bridges and extend hands, instead of erecting walls and throwing stones.
I would argue this has actually taught us quite the opposite. By living in one of the most diverse countries in the world, necessarily there will always be differences. We are a nation of immigrants. The idea that we could some how homogenize our society is preposterous.
Rather than point fingers and stereotype, it behooves us to spend time learning about one another. How can we do that? What is the common ground on which we can stand?
Ironically, those fingers pointing to religion as a wall, could just as easily point us to a solution. By spending time educating ourselves about the commonalities between religions, we can start to have not only conversations, but work on the issues that concern all of us - like poverty and hunger - as opposed to getting hung up on doctrine or dogma.
Moving forward, I pray we will build bridges and extend hands, instead of erecting walls and throwing stones.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Bad Taste - Negative Experiences Hurt Churches More Than Once
There is nothing like a bad taste in your mouth. Usually when you eat something bad, you correct it by brushing your teeth, chewing gum, or eating something good. But what if one thing wasn't enough to correct the bad taste? What if you needed to brush your teeth 55 times to get that awful aftertaste out of your mouth?
At a recent work meeting I was told it takes at least 55 positive experiences to undo a single bad one. So, what if you had 2 or 3 negative ones? It makes it difficult to come out feeling positively about a place or a group of people. It's no wonder so many people have a hard time sticking with a church.
Some might think it's okay to continue going much as they have, doing things the way they've always done them. But that doesn't work. The world changes. People change. The requirements for attracting and keeping people change. So what do you do as a church to make sure that one flub up doesn't prevent people from coming back? You work extra hard. You incorporate their ideas. You incorporate them into your small groups. You keep saying hello even after the 3 month mark. And you make sure you don't flub in a hurtful or so negative a way again.
It's not easy. But it can work. I have to believe it.
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Saturday, November 19, 2011
Catty Church Musicians - Taking The Ego Out of Church Music
It has been some time since I posted to this blog. Partially this was because I didn't know what I would say. Partially because I hadn't found a church. Well, I have a church now and it has given me some fresh perspectives on the issues that face theologically progressive communities.
Most recently my inspiration came from singing a Sara Groves song. I'm part of the worship design team. We planned this song to emphasize the sermon and scripture that day. Well, my guitarist and I decided to get up early and soundcheck before everyone got there. Church starts at 10, so we thought 8 would be perfect. Choir doesn't practice until 8:30. The organist was practicing from 8 til 8:30 without stopping. He didn't ask why we were there, even though it was clear. He basically ignored us. Then, while we were waiting, the bell choir started coming in.
Yes, they have a bell choir. No, I don't know what that's about.
My guitarist had laid his gigbag on the front pew and I had left my purse there. It should be noted there are 2 large pews, 1 on either side of the aisle.
The director of the bell choir looked at our things which took up barely half of the 1 pew and informed us this was where they usually put their bell cases. When we asked if they typically used the other pew, we were informed we could use part of that side. It should be noted, there is an entrance on either side and the center of the dais where the bells would be. Either side would be sufficiently useful, no one spot being better than another.
Once they started moving things, the choir members actually walked between my guitarist and I when our music stands etc were set up. We were standing less than an arm length from one another. Somehow they felt it was acceptable to behave this way.
Maybe this rudeness had to do with the fact these individuals and groups are established contributors to worship. Perhaps they think highly of themselves. Maybe they're so comfortable they're oblivious to the impact and nature of their actions.
Yet, I'm here to tell you it doesn't fricking matter.
When someone is preparing to share their gift, they should be given respect. If a person doesn't do this everyday, they should be given even more support because frequently this person is less comfortable and confidant than a veteran performer.
I have to say, I was really disappointed. I don't sing for myself in church. I mean, I love it, but I don't do it for me. I do it because I want the congregation to have another thing to think about - another way to nourish their spirits. It's very disheartening to feel so unsupported by the congregation you're trying to serve.
Now, I should be clear. I didn't feel the general congregation was unsupportive, or the pastor. Actually, many of those individuals were very sweet and appreciative. Mostly I felt a coldness from my fellow musicians. You might think this bizarre. Frankly, I do too.
I am writing this post to remind us all of one thing - we're here for the same reasons, or we should be. These are:
1. To praise God
2. To glorify God
3. To nourish our collective spirits
And maybe even..
4. To play some good music with friends
5. To have fun
Any other reasons, particularly involving the ego, are a cancer in a congregation and should be stamped out immediately. I'm not interested in the kind of drama that comes with egos. There is no time for that. So, if your church is in a similar spot, I'd recommend sitting down and having a chat. Post haste. You'll be glad you did.
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