Lent - the lead up to the holiest of days in the Christian calendar, Easter.
I don't usually follow the tradition of giving up something for the season. I always felt it to be strange to give up chocolate for six weeks, for example, only to binge on Easter Sunday. I always felt if I were to give up something, I would give it up permanently, to go all in, as it were.
This year, however, I do want to make a promise to myself, or to God. I have a few ideas, and even though Lent has begun, I still haven't committed to one. Perhaps this is because I feel like I am doing all I can as a person - in my relationships, and vocation. I feel like I can't do much more than I am already doing. If I did choose to do one more thing, I feel like something else would suffer. I have a limited amount of attention I can give to any one thing. I have a limited amount of patience, which has worn thin with lack of sleep, reading an abundance of depressing news articles, and suffering through other people's problems. I have a limited amount of discipline, which thus far is spent on maintaining my commitment to my writing (and blogging), as well as step counts, and maintaining a certain level of calorie consumption.
Perhaps instead of giving something up, like chocolate or alcohol, it would make more sense to give in... Give in to the fact that I am only human, and accept myself for my limitations, weaknesses, strengths and everything in between. Give in to the fact that Creation works in concert perfectly and always seeks balance. Give in to Divine inspiration and allow myself to be a vessel for words and deeds of compassion and peace, justice and wisdom.
Give in to the greater picture, where I do not exist, except as a cell with a specific purpose in the larger body.
If I can do that, maybe I will find some grounding that can anchor me in mindfulness and inner peace, despite everything else. Perhaps that is my Lenten journey.
Probably would have been easier to give up chocolate.
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