Bigots, Beliefs, and Betterment

The world is complex and beautiful. So are people.

First, faith is not an excuse to be an asshole. Belief, in ANY ideology of ANY kind, does not give you the right to discriminate, to hate, to sadism, to evil.

That is all the self, which uses ideology to justify bad behavior.

Second, I identify with all of the following things:

• pro-choice
• wife
• socialist
• feminist
• mother
• writer
• artist
• spiritual
• political
• teacher
• singer
• social justice activist
• oh...and by the way...Christian.

I mean, the last one is really obvious from this blog (I think anyway) but you may or may not have known about the others. Some of them are innocuous identities (singer generally doesn't rock boats), but others come with a lot of baggage (feminist...for example) and none of them are mutually exclusive.

I repeat: none of these are mutually exclusive.

Life is not 1 or 0 - it does not function in a binary system of states. People are complex and varied. Belief, thought, and associations are fluid. They change. They morph. They are not exclusionary sets.

AND guess what? NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ANYONE.

So much more I have to learn about this guy...

For example, I love my husband, and I learn more about him the longer I'm around him. While I know him well, there is always more about him I can learn. That is part of why I like marriage so much; it gives me an intimate case study in humanity. And believe me, he continues to fascinate after nine years of being a couple and seven of marriage. And he's just one person...so imagine what that means for 7 billion...

Wow. That is mind-blowing to contemplate.

That number just reinforces the lesson I learned through my husband: you don't know shit so don't pretend like you do.

In the last week a lot of good things have happened here in the US, but these events have shown people for who they really are - some showed their bigotry on the right. Others on the left. The thing is, neither one thinks of themselves as such. Both think they're moral. Both are wrong.

Everyone is flawed. Everyone fails sometimes. Everyone has biases and prejudice in their hearts in some shape or form. The best of people recognize it and struggle with it. The worst encourage and entrench it. I hope I do the former and that if I start to slip into the latter, someone compassionately calls me on it to make me better (as we all should).

And...here's the thing...that is okay. It is okay to have these things because this is part of what it means to be human. We are imperfect. And, when we strive to be better, that is good. That is all I ask  - all I wish for humanity.

Accept yourselves where you are and strive to be better.

This is what God wants, or if you don't believe in God, this is the cumulative effort of the human project...so further it. Work on it. Work on yourselves. Check one another. Be examples in your efforts to improve and love.

And to start, remember to hold yourself accountable before you start throwing stones. They could just as easily hit you. I promise to do the same.

White Charleston: Practice Humility, Justice, & Love

Recently I have come to a place of acceptance and humility, and through that celebration.

Now I accept myself, really love myself, which makes it so much easier to love others. I am okay with my personal journey, not in competition, but as my personal path. Suddenly everyone is completely equal because they all have personal journeys that are not contingent on mine. Abilities, station - it does not matter. And I am grateful for this understanding because I enjoy everything much more.

When seeing other people as equal, it becomes a joy to watch them. To see others succeed is a great joy. I get excited like they were my favorite team, lover, or best friend. It does not matter how far from my experience they are, I love their successes. I love their joy.

Likewise, when they shrink back from their purpose, I get disappointed. I get angry. I get sad.

When they hurt, I hurt. When they bleed, I bleed with them. And just as if they were a lover or friend, I want to help.

I want to give advice. I want to be a shoulder to cry on. I want to buy them a beer (or a tea) and sit down and let them talk themselves hoarse.

I was not always like this. I used to blame people. Sometimes hate them. And even now, sometimes, I may say I hate a person, but what I really hate is his or her action.

This is the spirit with which I view Charleston. And it is not easy. Not an easy thing to look at the events of last night, in a holy place, in a loving community, hurt because of an uncontrollable characteristic that a person hates.

Yet, I have been in communities touched by violence, by hate. I have felt that grief, the transformation that occurs. And I have heard cries for anger and justice. And in the face of this, I understand them perfectly.

And I am a parent of a boy and know how it feels to watch my son hurt someone. And yet love him.

I have seen people hate blindly, and unreasonably clung to ideologies because of personal insecurities, perpetuated by parents and friends. And it has made me angry and struggle to foster an environment that allowed for change.

And the thing I see most in Charleston, the need I see is the hardest one.

To the white community of South Carolina, be humble. Be apologetic. Be responsible and own your place in this act. And seek justice in the spirit of healing your community. Seek education, integration, exposure, and understanding. Seek forgiveness in a humble, responsible way. Own your faults and seek to correct them. Learn empathy. Learn compassion. This is the path I know God would want for you.

The black community of South Carolina is not required to educate, or even to forgive you. It is your responsibility to extend an apology. It is your responsibility to ask what reparations must be made. I know in a spirit of Divine love, this is the quickest path to healing. And I want you to facilitate healing. I want you to be better and recognize your role in this.

This takes time. It is never fully done. But you can make progress. You can improve. You can practice an empathetic love that spans every human-made barrier.

There are peacemakers everywhere. There are books and classes and organizations that would help you. Reach out in love. It is the right thing to do.

The Sacred Human: Duggar and Jenner?

There are some things on which everyone should agree. And many pay lip service to such principles, however in their daily lives, in their words, it is a very different matter.

In the past few weeks several issues have dominated American pop cultural media, namely Josh Duggar and Caitlyn Jenner. These two individuals are radically different, and the issues they raise in public consciousness are very different, and yet, they pull at a fundamental issue that flies in the face of many identities and ideologies Americans hold dear. One, is an abuser, a hypocrite, defended by people clinging to a certain idea. His victims blamed for his evil acts, he going without punishment, and them going without assistance.

The other, a woman, once a man, who struggled with the question of who she was at a fundamental level, finally coming out in a very public way, to raise social consciousness of her trans brothers and sisters. Her efforts have opened her to a world of ridicule and abuse personally, even as she has given hope to those trans individuals of lesser means.

Duggar is given value above and beyond his victims. His victims, in fact, are relegated to less than human, even by certain members of the public. Meanwhile Jenner struggles to be viewed for her humanity, and her sacrifice of celebrity-outing forces many to confront their fundamental understanding of gender, thereby placing her in the crosshairs of many.

One is defended by the Christian right. The other is spurned by it, probably as devil-spawn.

What would God want for these two people? What would God want people of faith to do in the face of those with similar circumstances? 

People have inherent value as human beings and should be treated as such.

I believe that God wants all people to be valued at a fundamental level, that all people, by nature of being humans, have intrinsic value and deserve respect, courtesy, and compassion. This means, even a person who commits acts of horror, deserves these things. Does that preclude justice? No. As every human has value, victims deserve justice and a community deserves healing. But every person is a human being, even those who commit crimes.

If a person decides to change their body, to go against their cultural norms, their humanity has not changed. Whether you agree or disagree with their choices is unimportant due to one principle - they are human and deserve to be treated with value.
 
So what does this inherent value require of us? What would God have us do?

Well, if all people have value as humans then we have an obligation, as people of faith, to act on this standard in every aspect of life. This is not just an issue of respectful language or compassionate justice. It extends to all aspects of life, therefore:

1. Education should be accessible, which requires us to accommodate differences that might otherwise be obstacles, such as consolidated educational access or wealth.
2. Public spaces should be safe for all people engaged in their daily tasks - these spaces should be spaces of peaceful and compassionate interaction.
3. In order to maintain humanity and honor our children's value, we must safeguard our environment, seeking to bring about balance between our fundamental needs, and the rights of Earth.
4. Healthy food, living space, water, and access to care must be easily available to all people.
5. To see the value of all people, one must have a degree of empathy. This must be understood at a deep level, and therefore should be a part of every aspect of culture. The first question we must ask is, what are the feelings involved? Only then can we find a positive solution.
6. All people deserve the same rights and privileges as they are equal. There is no difference between people in this respect - no preference on any single identity or belief or appearance or ability etc.
7. If a person is struggling in some way, it is our duty to address the struggle, as a family, community, country, and world. Rather than shame or vilify that person, we should extend our hands in supportive care.
8. We must act from a place of peace when coming to conflict - in our daily lives, as well as the global stage.
9. Justice must be served in a way that facilitates healing of victims and community, as well as intervening and rehabilitating perpetrators. 

If we are to do this, everything changes. How we live in every part of our lives must change. How we address one another, how we spend our time and money, the kinds of legislation we pass all must change. And that is uncomfortable for people. Some will have to give up their present state of excess. Others will be lifted up. And that is threatening and frightening to many.

If you find it threatening, I urge you to think about why you find it threatening. What is so upsetting about everyone having inherent value? What is so upsetting about these potential changes? Only then will you know where you must focus your energies to align with God's desire for our world.

If you find this exciting and uplifting, I urge you to act in accordance with this Divine vision. Challenge those who find it uncomfortable in a way that allows them to confront their perspective and facilitates personal and social growth.

It is only by spreading this vision that we will be able to move forward with our humanity - that we can find a world filled with wholeness, peace, and compassion.