Church Attendance: You Need A Date Night

I'm going to be honest here. I totally judge people - and I judge people almost as harshly as I judge myself. It's a fault. I admit it. It's part of my personality (Myers-Briggs got it right with me, that's for sure!).

And what's one of the things I judge people on? It's one of those things that you might think marks me as some kind of strange 21st century-1950s hybrid. Yes. Church attendance.

Everyone who knows anything about relationships knows they take work. Relationships are not easy. They aren't something you can just expect to stay on cloud nine all the time. They require effort. They require commitment.

It's been said that Jesus is like a groom and the Church his bride.

Are you picking up what I'm putting down here?

COMMITMENT.

Faith takes commitment. It is a daily thing. It requires effort. It requires active participation. When your girlfriend, lover, spouse, partner comes home that day, you don't ignore them. You talk to them. You do chores around the house. You help pay bills. You have a regular date night.

Think of attending church, or temple, or mosque as your weekly date night. Because that's what it is. It's part of your commitment. It's your weekly rejuvenating shot to your spiritual relationship.

What happens when you miss a date night? What happens when you keep missing date nights? You stop connecting with your partner. Your relationship starts to get messy. Maybe you lose a little spark. It fosters discord and dissonance in your relationship. It contributes to creating a negative relationship environment. Maybe it contributes to relationship death.

The same thing happens when you stop going to church or temple. Your connection to God gets a little fuzzy. Your spiritual focus gets lost. An emptiness starts to grow in your heart. A darkness takes root in your spirit. It won't be big at first. You may not even be aware of it, at least at first.

But let me tell you, when you show up to worship that first Sunday after a break, you're going to feel what you were missing. You're going to realize that you were undervaluing your relationship with God and that you lost focus. You're going to realize that Divine relationship is one of the most important things in your life and you need that time. You need to make the time. You need to recommit.

You don't make excuses to ignore your spouse, so stop making excuses not to go to Church.

All God's Children

God doesn't make imperfect babies. That's the gist.

I love babies. I have one of my own. He's sleeping next to me and he is, by and large, perfect. Really. Everyone says so - I'm not joking. I could talk about him all day, but that's not the point. The point is that my baby isn't the only kind out there.

Some babies are born with six fingers. Some are born with an extra chromosome. Some are born missing a chromosome. Some are born without feet. Some are born with pale skin. Some are born with curly hair. Some are born with no hair. Some are born with double joints.

Actually, the possibilities are endless. Even the really horrible ones - like congenital heart defects or spina bifida or a thousand other really awful nail-biting complications....

You know, some babies even have ambiguous genitals.

The fault here isn't with God. A lot of religious people have said it before and I'll say it again - God's creation is beautiful. We're a part of that creation. Everyone. No matter where the person is on whatever spectrum you can name - that person is a part of God's creation.

Part of that creation is experience and human engagement. I think that's part of why we're here on Earth - so that we can be a part of this wonderful beautiful thing. That means sometimes humans must act. God requires us to act. So if that means that some baby was born to feel more female than male and needs to act to engage with creation... then do it. Do it up. Do it beautifully in concert with God. That's God's will.

I can talk about how the Southern Baptists have completely missed the point and are basically denying the existence of the gray inbetween area - that confusing beautiful mess of God's creation. I could talk about how they're trying to redefine standard English word usage and that's the most bullshit ridiculous impossible thing. I can talk about how they're pretending to love when what they're really doing is contributing to self-hatred, depression, and psychological scars that traumatize the marginalized groups of our society. But I won't. I don't think there's any question about all those things and plenty of other people will discuss them.

The only thing I want to make sure people get is the fact that some Baptists think something different. In fact a whole lot of CHRISTIANS think and believe something completely different: God's messy technicolor creation requires human engagement and when that happens, it is rendered even more beautiful. The world is a richer more wonderful place because of difference, and I for one, welcome it.

No Prayer! Why The Supreme Court is Wrong

Prayer should not be in public/government spaces. This is because it gives the impression of endorsing a particular religious view. That can't happen. Church and state need to be separate.

So unless the state starts holding prayers for every religion represented in a given community (which some communities do), I'd prefer government officials didn't encourage religious prayer in government functions.

But then again, what if there was one prayer and it was Buddhist? Or Muslim? Would SCOTUS have come to the same conclusion? I wonder...

While adults should be able to tolerate a prayer by a different religious group, this kind of decision is something that could easily be abused by a majority religious group. It's something that when prayers of a particular group support exclusivity is a real problem in DEMOCRATIC public spaces. What if someone was fundamentalist Muslim and prayed that all the infidels should be converted? What if a charismatic Christian prayed that women should all return to their "rightful" roles as wives and mothers only? Those kinds of prayers are not conducive to openness, dialogue, and debate. They'd make me want to leave.

I don't know about you, but I was under the impression that courts were supposed to protect minorities. I'd rather not go to a public function and be told I was going to hell for speaking my mind and having a uterus - but this could happen with such a decision.

Don't want to legislate prayers? Then say people should have prayers from every religion in a community or NONE AT ALL. Simple. Instead we got a half-ass, support the majority, church-state-mix-a-lot  decision.

Bad form SCOTUS. Bad form.

Knowing v. Feeling Faith

I've been neglectful of this blog because, quite frankly, I've had very little to say on faith at this time. I feel like I've been beating a dead horse, and well, what's the point?

My personal life has taken more intense directions recently and continues to be difficult, which is probably why I'm writing what I'm writing.

When I was 19 years old I went on a unique mission trip experience. American Baptist International Ministries had a program (still have, amazingly) called Xtreme Team that was for 19 through 29 year olds to experience mission. Team members went to a random country for a month and a half, and saw the different aspects of mission. In particular, members would wake up and not know where they'd be sleeping that night, what they would eat, or where they were going. It was a kind of let-tomorrow-take-care-of-itself/lilies-of-the-field thing.

Through this experience, I changed. I learned that I didn't need to have everything right then. I didn't need to know what would happen right then. I just needed to trust.

The problem is when you reach a point of Job like proportions, it's hard to trust that God will take care of you. It's hard to know that everything will work out.

Last night I had a long conversation with my brother about some of the things going on in each of our lives. At the end, I told him, "No matter how things go, everything will be okay. You'll be alright." I couldn't help but feel the irony of me telling him the very thing I need to feel deep in my bones.

I know, and my brother probably knows, that everything will be alright. While he didn't go to Central America and wonder what Xtreme thing he'd do like I did in 2002, he has lived enough to know. We adults all have. But knowing and feeling are two different things.

Modern Samaritans

This past week I moved. As part of the move I had the chance to spend several hours in the car with my infant son and my mother-in-law. This might sound like a horrible thing to some people (and indeed for some it might in fact be a horrible thing)  but my baby is a darling and I genuinely like my mother-in-law.

So we got to talk...for about 5 hours. We talked about many things but most importantly I was able to ask her about her brother. This is something I've wanted to ask for a long time. My mother-in-law's brother was killed in a plane crash along with her father many years before. While they come up in conversation on occasion, it was rare for any details to be shared. My husband, however, always brings up the subject for his grandmother because he looks so much like his long dead uncle.

It turns out that's not the only resemblance.

As we talked, I learned Christian's uncle had many similar personality traits, including something that has caused some inconvenience for me on more than one occasion. Like his uncle, Christian is generous and helpful. He inherited the need to help people. Every time we come upon a stranded motorist, Christian wants to stop and help them. If there is someone clearly in distress on the sidewalk where we are, he wants to stop and help them. This has made us late, completely derailed our schedule, and sometimes required urgent searches for toilets.

While it can be inconvenient, I wouldn't trade this trait in my husband, or his family, for anything. There are so few people who will stop and help a person these days, that my husband seems to be a dying breed. I don't know if this is because fewer people are raised in the Church and so no longer have the drive to do good deeds or if it is due to the fear of other people that is instilled in us through news media. Whatever the case, it is rare that a person will stop to help another.

I wish I was comfortable stopping to help a random person, but I'm not Christian. My husband is a large, intimidating man, and could easily handle a crazy or violent person. I cannot. However, I do help when I feel safe doing so. Giving my leftover lunch to someone who is obviously hungry and begging on the street is an easy thing. Giving up my seat in the doctor's office to an old woman who is unsteady on her feet is a no-brainer. While these aren't as spectacular as the help my husband gives, they are definitely appreciated by the person being helped.

This is the kind of giving and compassionate heart people of faith must have. These actions bring light to the world. I hope as a mother, I can bring more of this as well as instill that kind of love and caring in my son. We should all be modern day good Samaritans.

Why Grow?

The pastor of our beloved East Bay church had a good sermon this past week that raised a very important issue - motivation, specifically motivation surrounding growth.

What is the point in trying to grow a church? I mean, if it doesn't have anything worth while, then why try to grow it?

I've gotten pretty Zen as I've gotten older and so the idea of hanging on to something when it has lost relevance doesn't appeal. We have to let it go.

Now, if a church has something to offer, and members are excited about these offerings and want to share them with other people, that's a whole other issue. In that case, OF COURSE INVITE PEOPLE TO CHURCH!

Clarifying our motivation behind the desire for new members is important, just as it is with any endeavor. It shows in our actions. When we try to get members because we want to get more money into the church, or because we're worried our church will die without them, we will NOT increase membership. We must have good intentions - pure motivation. We have to want new members because we genuinely believe joining our church will be enriching and affirming. People pick up on that sort of thing.

So the question remains, why should our church grow?

Surprise Lessons

Sometimes, even when we think we know what the plan is, we're surprised when things turn out differently.

I thought my calling for the church here was one thing, when it turns out it was something much different. I know this now because my time there has come to an end; my family is cutting our losses and moving back to the Central Coast.

I'm not sure how my time there will have helped anyone, but I know it has. I also know it helped me. It showed me there are churches out there that I can really become a part of and give to that don't have a family member as the pastor. In fact, it showed me the pastor (though important) isn't as important as the whole community.

The community at this church was so loving and wonderful that even with only having attended a short time, we really felt like we belonged. We were committed to that church. It had been a long time since I felt that in a church. Maybe it had to do with the type of people there, or my own place in life (pregnant when we began attending) though I can't really be sure. All I know is that I felt hope again, for my own spiritual journey as well as Church as a whole.

We can't know what the plan is. We might have an idea, and that idea may be completely wrong. I thought we were going to stay at this church for a long time and that I would help shape the direction of its ministry, but instead it was a moment in time. It was just a stop on my spiritual journey with a large sign post showing me what could and will be.

The journey really is full of surprises.