God's Signs

The question of my calling has always been in the back of my head. The idea of being in ministry has plagued me since before I could talk. It's the family business after all. My uncle is a minister. My second cousin is a minister. A couple generations back I had a relative who was a missionary and died in the field. Most importantly, my parents are both ministers.

Then of course, there are the family friends who are ministers - of which there are many. Even my godfather is a world renowned biblical scholar. And those are just the Christian friends. That doesn't even touch the Jewish, Hindu, and Islamic religious leaders my family knows and loves.

I grew up surrounded by religion.

So of course, the question arose, "Isn't Alexis going to be a pastor too?"

After all, I have all the skills. If people were bred for particular jobs, I could have been bred for the ministry. I speak, teach, and write well. People regularly come to me asking for advice. I can boil any problem down to its essentials. I have a knowledge of other cultures and perspectives. I know how to structure a worship service for maximum effectiveness. I can even sing and understand music (a bonus, though not strictly necessary to be a pastor).

BUT I have run away from the idea of being a pastor forever. The idea of being stuck with a church and dealing with all the problems I watched my parents deal with regularly sounds like a special kind of hell to me. Yet ministry isn't just about being a pastor. There are many kinds of ministry...

Now I find myself in a situation where the question of ministry has resurfaced. And seriously, it couldn't be more tangled up and crazy if I asked for it.

Let me explain without giving all the gory details.

A pastor is asked to leave because he did some really REALLY bad things that hurt a bunch of people. I knew he was within months of leaving the church when we started attending there. I also knew some of the things he had trouble with in general, though I didn't know the particulars. I knew these things without being told even BEFORE his resignation was announced. One of those people, in a position of influence in the church, was hurt very personally. I happen to have some experience with the same kind of hurt, and so am able to understand her situation, as well as communicate about it a bit more than someone without that experience.

The interim pastor in one of her sermons described foreknowledge as "discernment" and something necessary for a church, particularly one looking for where to go next. I met with her and told her about my knowledge, and she pointed out this ability as "discernment." We talked some more and we discussed our Myers-Briggs types. I'm an INFJ while she is an ENFP. These two types work extremely well together and their abilities generally compliment one another.

Needless to say, I feel like I fit in this situation a little too perfectly.


It's been a long time since God made things so evident in my life. Sure I've had moments where it was clear I was in the right place and time, but nothing that felt like it was prompting me to action. Here it is clear there is something I need to do. I'm not convinced it is help this particular church... I mean, yes obviously that is a part of it. Still it feels like there is something I need to take away from this situation. I feel like there is a lesson here - a growth opportunity for me. I know it's not something like patience. I learned that with my art students this past year (Oh kindergarteners! Oh prepubescents!). This is something more complex and more subtle. This is something that is directional. This is something that will get to my core.

I know this, the same way I knew about the pastor - the same way I knew this year was going to be a big year for my husband and I. It is unsettling.

More than ever, I'm on my guard. I'm both steeling myself against whatever might be coming my way because I know it will be big, as well as looking to find whatever clues might be hidden in even the most casual off-hand remarks. The signs are all there. Now I just have to wait to see what will be revealed. I'm both anxious and excited, because I have no idea how this will turn out. It wasn't a part of my plans at all. This is completely a God thing.