Getting Over Grudges

In the interest of not getting any particular person in trouble, I will not point out specific situations in the following discussion. I will speak in generalities. So humor me - it's less dangerous this way.

I have noticed that people take things personally.

Whopping surprise, isn't it? Wow, Alexis! People take things personally! Who would have thought?!

Yes, I know. It is common knowledge this is a problem for many individuals. However, this is not just an individual problem. Whenever we are part of a community the way we process information affects how we interact in that community and therefore, affects communal health.

You see where I'm going with this?

Let's examine the most problematic example in taking something personally - the grudge. Gah! I hate grudges! They eat people up inside and come out in passive aggressive and extremely hurtful ways. They can destroy a family or a community. They almost always destroy the person holding them, especially if the grudge is large enough. Grudges are poison, and poison spreads.

Often times the person holding the grudge won't even realize they're holding it. They won't realize their actions are being influenced by these feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment. They can't see how their words are being shaped into weapons, tearing people down, rather than tools meant to build people up.

So if you're in a community of faith and see someone else has a grudge, what do you do? Well, the most difficult thing (and the most necessary) is to get the person to admit their feelings. When they are voiced, they can be dealt with. Bringing things to the light of day allows for healing and cleansing. If you can't help this person deal with their feelings, find someone who can. You are likely not the only person to have observed their hurtful behavior.

Once the person has dealt with their grudge, then the next step is to help them realize actions are not personal. Even if they are, our reactions do not have to let them be personal. It is our choice how we react to a situation.  Choose wisely.