Prayer is something that all religious traditions have to some extent. The format of the prayer may be different. The deity being prayed to may be different. Still, there is something to this concept of talking to the creative force in the universe.
As I sat in my dad's office and listened to some interviews on prayer, I got to thinking about it. Then when I started fiddling with my world religion curriculum (hopefully to be published digitally very soon!) I thought more about the nature of prayer, and how it is practiced, as opposed to how it is supposed to be practiced. Two things bother me about how most people tend to pray.
It seems to me that most people pray in order to ask for things. But here's the catch - I think there is a tendency to ask for very specific things. The irony is of course, that specific things don't tend to happen. Attachment to particular processes or results will inevitably lead to disappointment; the universe simply does not go the predicted path. We are too small, too simple, with too little information to know what the right result should be. Even in cases where something incredibly horrible happens, we cannot know the long term effects. We are finite.
As far as I can tell, God, or the Divine (however you'd like to refer to the creative force in the universe) is far from finite. And I, small as I am, am at least smart enough to concede I have no concept of what infinite really means.
So when I pray, how can I ask for a specific result? That specific thing may in fact be the worst possible situation. I am incapable of knowing! Instead, I should pray for resolution to a situation that will make life more wonderful, according to my needs and those for whom I pray. Open-ended is the rule of the day when it comes to prayer.
I also noticed that most people interviewed in the video did not mention once that they thanked God for the good things in their lives. This seems really strange to me. It seems strange because even when our lives are full of difficulties, there are many things for which to be thankful.
Sometimes (in fact, I would say more often than not) my prayers at night are solely things I'm thankful for. I will go through one thing after another, no matter how small, and thank God for each and every thing. Sometimes if I'm having a really difficult day, I will have to start with those basic things - like having a soft pillow, or my sweet cat, or having eaten a hot meal. Sometimes I'm able to jump to other higher level things right from the beginning of my prayer, like having a loving husband, or a loving family, or good friends. No matter if I start with basic needs being met or relationships or even something more, any time I pray like this, I notice my mood changes and I feel so much better about my life.
It makes me think that all prayers should thank God, at least a little bit, because there is always something to be thankful for, no matter how small. There is so much beauty in the world, so much wonder. Only a person with a blinded spirit could not see the glory of creation and the blessings bestowed on even the lowliest.
Prayer is a good thing. It is something that is part of the human religious experience, and crosses our traditions. Yet when we pray, we should keep in mind that we cannot know the specific answers to our prayers - only that the Divine will certainly provide for us. Likewise, we are already so blessed, we cannot forget to be thankful for each and every blessing - no matter how small. Prayer is so much more than a request. It must be a conversation, and conversations must consist of more than questions.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Scripture Still Speaks
Sometimes the only thing to be done is to go back to the source.
Lately many people have been telling me to trust and to let things go. Considering how high strung I've been in the past, I think I've been doing a pretty good job of this. But sometimes, you feel so down in the dumps for such a while that nothing seems to help. The cycle of depression and despair seems so great and so overwhelming nothing makes you feel better.
That's when I get a book.
In my case, it's a red hardback with white and gold lettering - the New Oxford Annotated Bible. I'm of the mind that the spirit - or what you need - will guide you to find exactly what you need when you need it. This might seem a little strange to some people, but it tends to work for me. I do this when I visit libraries or book stores as well, letting the words of the space speak on their own. Eventually they lead you to what you need.
In the case of the book, I hold it upright and then let it fall open to whatever page it deems necessary (This only works if the spine isn't battered to hell by the way, otherwise it would turn to the same pages over and over again.). Since today was just one of those days when I needed guidance, or a good word, I did exactly this. And the book spoke.
It opened to Joel - the very first page of the book.
I doubt I've ever read Joel with any kind of closeness (though some of the passages were certainly familiar to me). As I read the story, I felt my own despair and difficulties echoed in the words. I read the beginning of chapter 1 and then I thought I turned the page, but really turned several. It led me to the end of chapter 2, which if you know Joel, you know talks about how God will not let the people continue to suffer. In fact, it talks about how amazing things will happen and the harvest will be plentiful in every way. It talks about the spirit being poured out onto the flesh which will cause visions and dreams.
And this is reassuring.
For a person with the gift of "intuition" or "discernment" or whatever you want to call it, this is a bit more than an average level of reassuring. And for someone who has been dealing with a very difficult time in her life, a metaphorical plague of locusts, the idea that God will not let this continue is also reassuring.
On the phone yesterday my mother said, "Miracles come in many forms. For now, we'll be a vessel for your miracle." And to some extent, I feel like that may be true. Perhaps my parents' support will act like a dam until a larger miracle comes forward, allowing this flood to be forded. This is my sincerest hope and wish. I hope the words of Joel, echoing across thousands of years are not hollow, but hold a hint of what it to come. I have to believe this is true. The alternative is too stark, too hard for someone weakened as I have been. For that reason, I pray a thankful prayer, grateful for the miracle that is promised.
Lately many people have been telling me to trust and to let things go. Considering how high strung I've been in the past, I think I've been doing a pretty good job of this. But sometimes, you feel so down in the dumps for such a while that nothing seems to help. The cycle of depression and despair seems so great and so overwhelming nothing makes you feel better.
That's when I get a book.
In my case, it's a red hardback with white and gold lettering - the New Oxford Annotated Bible. I'm of the mind that the spirit - or what you need - will guide you to find exactly what you need when you need it. This might seem a little strange to some people, but it tends to work for me. I do this when I visit libraries or book stores as well, letting the words of the space speak on their own. Eventually they lead you to what you need.
In the case of the book, I hold it upright and then let it fall open to whatever page it deems necessary (This only works if the spine isn't battered to hell by the way, otherwise it would turn to the same pages over and over again.). Since today was just one of those days when I needed guidance, or a good word, I did exactly this. And the book spoke.
It opened to Joel - the very first page of the book.
I doubt I've ever read Joel with any kind of closeness (though some of the passages were certainly familiar to me). As I read the story, I felt my own despair and difficulties echoed in the words. I read the beginning of chapter 1 and then I thought I turned the page, but really turned several. It led me to the end of chapter 2, which if you know Joel, you know talks about how God will not let the people continue to suffer. In fact, it talks about how amazing things will happen and the harvest will be plentiful in every way. It talks about the spirit being poured out onto the flesh which will cause visions and dreams.
And this is reassuring.
For a person with the gift of "intuition" or "discernment" or whatever you want to call it, this is a bit more than an average level of reassuring. And for someone who has been dealing with a very difficult time in her life, a metaphorical plague of locusts, the idea that God will not let this continue is also reassuring.
On the phone yesterday my mother said, "Miracles come in many forms. For now, we'll be a vessel for your miracle." And to some extent, I feel like that may be true. Perhaps my parents' support will act like a dam until a larger miracle comes forward, allowing this flood to be forded. This is my sincerest hope and wish. I hope the words of Joel, echoing across thousands of years are not hollow, but hold a hint of what it to come. I have to believe this is true. The alternative is too stark, too hard for someone weakened as I have been. For that reason, I pray a thankful prayer, grateful for the miracle that is promised.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
A Brief Testimony
I'm sorry this has been a bit late. If you follow my other blogs you know this past week has been nothing short of CRAZY, which is why I decided to make this particular post.
Typically I'd post about institutional issues in churches and faith organizations, or doxis, or praxis, or something related to belief systems. In short, normally I write about BIG things here.
But this is a small thing.
Well, not to me. It's not a small thing to anyone who experiences similar situations. It's actually the biggest and most important thing in the world. It just happens to affect only a few people....superficially anyway.
I mean about my personal faith. I am speaking, of course, of the overwhelming response I received after blogging about my husband losing his job on another of my blogs. In fact, it was so big, I actually had strangers from pregnancy forums offering to buy us baby gear. And then of course, there were other things that were happening. My readership jumped on my blogs - in a fairly big way. Then people were asking me what they could do, so I told them they could look for jobs for my husband (or at least keep an eye out) and buy and rate/review my latest book. Well, we had several jobs come at us from this. A few people bought my book (not anything huge, but still - more than before).
Then yesterday Christian had an interview, and got leads on other jobs (and for other news on this you'll have to visit Raising An Alien). My mother confided something to me which surprised me greatly - something that coincided with a personal goal I'd made months ago and largely forgotten.
These things are not coincidence.
I share this with you because in one of our darkest hours, we were bathed in light. We were not forsaken. Love, care, and compassion came at us from even the most unexpected places in small, and sometimes huge ways. While our journey is far from over, and the obstacles are not completely overcome, I know everything will not only be alright, but amazing - fantastic - awe-inspiring. The reason I know this is because I do not believe we could have experienced all this but through the grace of God. I have had many difficult experiences, however this one was the most frightening (initially) because of the baby. And I didn't have to worry. Everything was taken care of, and in more wondrous ways than I could imagine.
And honestly, I'm pretty excited to see what's in store. I have a good feeling.
Typically I'd post about institutional issues in churches and faith organizations, or doxis, or praxis, or something related to belief systems. In short, normally I write about BIG things here.
But this is a small thing.
Well, not to me. It's not a small thing to anyone who experiences similar situations. It's actually the biggest and most important thing in the world. It just happens to affect only a few people....superficially anyway.
I mean about my personal faith. I am speaking, of course, of the overwhelming response I received after blogging about my husband losing his job on another of my blogs. In fact, it was so big, I actually had strangers from pregnancy forums offering to buy us baby gear. And then of course, there were other things that were happening. My readership jumped on my blogs - in a fairly big way. Then people were asking me what they could do, so I told them they could look for jobs for my husband (or at least keep an eye out) and buy and rate/review my latest book. Well, we had several jobs come at us from this. A few people bought my book (not anything huge, but still - more than before).
Then yesterday Christian had an interview, and got leads on other jobs (and for other news on this you'll have to visit Raising An Alien). My mother confided something to me which surprised me greatly - something that coincided with a personal goal I'd made months ago and largely forgotten.
These things are not coincidence.
I share this with you because in one of our darkest hours, we were bathed in light. We were not forsaken. Love, care, and compassion came at us from even the most unexpected places in small, and sometimes huge ways. While our journey is far from over, and the obstacles are not completely overcome, I know everything will not only be alright, but amazing - fantastic - awe-inspiring. The reason I know this is because I do not believe we could have experienced all this but through the grace of God. I have had many difficult experiences, however this one was the most frightening (initially) because of the baby. And I didn't have to worry. Everything was taken care of, and in more wondrous ways than I could imagine.
And honestly, I'm pretty excited to see what's in store. I have a good feeling.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Titles Don't Make Leaders
"What does it take to be a leader?" This could easily be an opening line of a college business 201 class, however leadership isn't something reserved for business. It's something that has a place in social, political, and cultural life as well. Leadership is most especially something important to communities of faith.
In the past weeks my own spiritual journey has brought me into contact with several leadership styles and conflicts in leadership. It reminded me that faith communities need to remember several things.
Just because you have been given a leadership title does NOT make you a leader. You are not entitled to respect because you have the title. I can be given the title of CEO at a tech company in Silicon Valley, but believe me, I would have no idea the specifics of that company's needs and therefore could not lead effectively.
Leadership requires knowledge. You need to know something about the area your group is addressing. So if you're the chair of the stewardship committee, you should probably have at least have a vague understanding of where revenue streams come from in a faith community and how you might go about getting more.
But this isn't the only kind of knowledge you need to be a leader. A leader needs to be able to command people. This means they should know how to facilitate a meeting, for example. They should know how to direct people to a task and keep them on task.
Additionally, a leader often has certain qualities that distinguish him or her from the group. They likely have charisma - something that automatically draws people in. Often times when a leader walks into a room, you know it. Their presence speaks before they open their mouths. Leaders have confidence. They make decisions, delegate, and execute. They don't hem and haw and waste time. If a mistake is made, they accept it, re-evaluate, change and move on. Leaders are assertive. They see something that needs to be addressed, and they take initiative and get it done. Leaders need to be comfortable addressing a group of people. A certain amount of extroversion is useful. How can you expect a group of people to follow you if you won't get up in front of people and be the example?
Now these qualities are of a natural leader. Let's face it - some leaders are born. They grow up with the ability to command and can do nothing less than dominate a room. But what about those who aren't bred to lead? Well unfortunately charisma really can't be taught. Confidence, however, can be practiced and learned. Presence can be feigned. To some extent, initiative can be learned. Extroversion can be faked, or at least practiced. Knowledge, of course, can be acquired.
So it is possible to fake it til you make it, so to speak. But many people don't bother developing these qualities in themselves. They don't seem to find it necessary. They think they have what it takes without those qualities.
It bothers me when I see people in faith communities assuming that because they have passion for an area of ministry that somehow qualifies them to be leaders.
No. Passion is good. Calling is good. But you need more than these things in order to lead a group of people and earn their respect enough so you can get something done. You cannot be a shrinking violet and hope that people won't ignore you, but will allow you to lead. Seriously...allow you to lead???
That is not leadership. I'm not sure what that is. A hot mess. A leader doesn't wait for permission. A leader executes. A leader speaks, and the masses listen. A leader delegates, and followers do. This is the way of things.
So when a person with a leadership title who is NOT ready to be a leader asks a natural leader to come on to a team, yes, it will cause problems. The titled person will wonder why he can't get a word in while everyone stops talking as soon as the natural leader opens her mouth. But we know he didn't spend any time on leadership skills and she was born that way.
To him I say, want to lead a meeting? At least read Robert's Rules for GOD's sake!
In the past weeks my own spiritual journey has brought me into contact with several leadership styles and conflicts in leadership. It reminded me that faith communities need to remember several things.
Just because you have been given a leadership title does NOT make you a leader. You are not entitled to respect because you have the title. I can be given the title of CEO at a tech company in Silicon Valley, but believe me, I would have no idea the specifics of that company's needs and therefore could not lead effectively.
Leadership requires knowledge. You need to know something about the area your group is addressing. So if you're the chair of the stewardship committee, you should probably have at least have a vague understanding of where revenue streams come from in a faith community and how you might go about getting more.
But this isn't the only kind of knowledge you need to be a leader. A leader needs to be able to command people. This means they should know how to facilitate a meeting, for example. They should know how to direct people to a task and keep them on task.
Additionally, a leader often has certain qualities that distinguish him or her from the group. They likely have charisma - something that automatically draws people in. Often times when a leader walks into a room, you know it. Their presence speaks before they open their mouths. Leaders have confidence. They make decisions, delegate, and execute. They don't hem and haw and waste time. If a mistake is made, they accept it, re-evaluate, change and move on. Leaders are assertive. They see something that needs to be addressed, and they take initiative and get it done. Leaders need to be comfortable addressing a group of people. A certain amount of extroversion is useful. How can you expect a group of people to follow you if you won't get up in front of people and be the example?
Now these qualities are of a natural leader. Let's face it - some leaders are born. They grow up with the ability to command and can do nothing less than dominate a room. But what about those who aren't bred to lead? Well unfortunately charisma really can't be taught. Confidence, however, can be practiced and learned. Presence can be feigned. To some extent, initiative can be learned. Extroversion can be faked, or at least practiced. Knowledge, of course, can be acquired.
So it is possible to fake it til you make it, so to speak. But many people don't bother developing these qualities in themselves. They don't seem to find it necessary. They think they have what it takes without those qualities.
It bothers me when I see people in faith communities assuming that because they have passion for an area of ministry that somehow qualifies them to be leaders.
No. Passion is good. Calling is good. But you need more than these things in order to lead a group of people and earn their respect enough so you can get something done. You cannot be a shrinking violet and hope that people won't ignore you, but will allow you to lead. Seriously...allow you to lead???
That is not leadership. I'm not sure what that is. A hot mess. A leader doesn't wait for permission. A leader executes. A leader speaks, and the masses listen. A leader delegates, and followers do. This is the way of things.
So when a person with a leadership title who is NOT ready to be a leader asks a natural leader to come on to a team, yes, it will cause problems. The titled person will wonder why he can't get a word in while everyone stops talking as soon as the natural leader opens her mouth. But we know he didn't spend any time on leadership skills and she was born that way.
To him I say, want to lead a meeting? At least read Robert's Rules for GOD's sake!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
God's Signs
The question of my calling has always been in the back of my head. The idea of being in ministry has plagued me since before I could talk. It's the family business after all. My uncle is a minister. My second cousin is a minister. A couple generations back I had a relative who was a missionary and died in the field. Most importantly, my parents are both ministers.
Then of course, there are the family friends who are ministers - of which there are many. Even my godfather is a world renowned biblical scholar. And those are just the Christian friends. That doesn't even touch the Jewish, Hindu, and Islamic religious leaders my family knows and loves.
I grew up surrounded by religion.
So of course, the question arose, "Isn't Alexis going to be a pastor too?"
After all, I have all the skills. If people were bred for particular jobs, I could have been bred for the ministry. I speak, teach, and write well. People regularly come to me asking for advice. I can boil any problem down to its essentials. I have a knowledge of other cultures and perspectives. I know how to structure a worship service for maximum effectiveness. I can even sing and understand music (a bonus, though not strictly necessary to be a pastor).
BUT I have run away from the idea of being a pastor forever. The idea of being stuck with a church and dealing with all the problems I watched my parents deal with regularly sounds like a special kind of hell to me. Yet ministry isn't just about being a pastor. There are many kinds of ministry...
Now I find myself in a situation where the question of ministry has resurfaced. And seriously, it couldn't be more tangled up and crazy if I asked for it.
Let me explain without giving all the gory details.
A pastor is asked to leave because he did some really REALLY bad things that hurt a bunch of people. I knew he was within months of leaving the church when we started attending there. I also knew some of the things he had trouble with in general, though I didn't know the particulars. I knew these things without being told even BEFORE his resignation was announced. One of those people, in a position of influence in the church, was hurt very personally. I happen to have some experience with the same kind of hurt, and so am able to understand her situation, as well as communicate about it a bit more than someone without that experience.
The interim pastor in one of her sermons described foreknowledge as "discernment" and something necessary for a church, particularly one looking for where to go next. I met with her and told her about my knowledge, and she pointed out this ability as "discernment." We talked some more and we discussed our Myers-Briggs types. I'm an INFJ while she is an ENFP. These two types work extremely well together and their abilities generally compliment one another.
Needless to say, I feel like I fit in this situation a little too perfectly.
It's been a long time since God made things so evident in my life. Sure I've had moments where it was clear I was in the right place and time, but nothing that felt like it was prompting me to action. Here it is clear there is something I need to do. I'm not convinced it is help this particular church... I mean, yes obviously that is a part of it. Still it feels like there is something I need to take away from this situation. I feel like there is a lesson here - a growth opportunity for me. I know it's not something like patience. I learned that with my art students this past year (Oh kindergarteners! Oh prepubescents!). This is something more complex and more subtle. This is something that is directional. This is something that will get to my core.
I know this, the same way I knew about the pastor - the same way I knew this year was going to be a big year for my husband and I. It is unsettling.
More than ever, I'm on my guard. I'm both steeling myself against whatever might be coming my way because I know it will be big, as well as looking to find whatever clues might be hidden in even the most casual off-hand remarks. The signs are all there. Now I just have to wait to see what will be revealed. I'm both anxious and excited, because I have no idea how this will turn out. It wasn't a part of my plans at all. This is completely a God thing.
Then of course, there are the family friends who are ministers - of which there are many. Even my godfather is a world renowned biblical scholar. And those are just the Christian friends. That doesn't even touch the Jewish, Hindu, and Islamic religious leaders my family knows and loves.
I grew up surrounded by religion.
So of course, the question arose, "Isn't Alexis going to be a pastor too?"
After all, I have all the skills. If people were bred for particular jobs, I could have been bred for the ministry. I speak, teach, and write well. People regularly come to me asking for advice. I can boil any problem down to its essentials. I have a knowledge of other cultures and perspectives. I know how to structure a worship service for maximum effectiveness. I can even sing and understand music (a bonus, though not strictly necessary to be a pastor).
BUT I have run away from the idea of being a pastor forever. The idea of being stuck with a church and dealing with all the problems I watched my parents deal with regularly sounds like a special kind of hell to me. Yet ministry isn't just about being a pastor. There are many kinds of ministry...
Now I find myself in a situation where the question of ministry has resurfaced. And seriously, it couldn't be more tangled up and crazy if I asked for it.
Let me explain without giving all the gory details.
A pastor is asked to leave because he did some really REALLY bad things that hurt a bunch of people. I knew he was within months of leaving the church when we started attending there. I also knew some of the things he had trouble with in general, though I didn't know the particulars. I knew these things without being told even BEFORE his resignation was announced. One of those people, in a position of influence in the church, was hurt very personally. I happen to have some experience with the same kind of hurt, and so am able to understand her situation, as well as communicate about it a bit more than someone without that experience.
The interim pastor in one of her sermons described foreknowledge as "discernment" and something necessary for a church, particularly one looking for where to go next. I met with her and told her about my knowledge, and she pointed out this ability as "discernment." We talked some more and we discussed our Myers-Briggs types. I'm an INFJ while she is an ENFP. These two types work extremely well together and their abilities generally compliment one another.
Needless to say, I feel like I fit in this situation a little too perfectly.
It's been a long time since God made things so evident in my life. Sure I've had moments where it was clear I was in the right place and time, but nothing that felt like it was prompting me to action. Here it is clear there is something I need to do. I'm not convinced it is help this particular church... I mean, yes obviously that is a part of it. Still it feels like there is something I need to take away from this situation. I feel like there is a lesson here - a growth opportunity for me. I know it's not something like patience. I learned that with my art students this past year (Oh kindergarteners! Oh prepubescents!). This is something more complex and more subtle. This is something that is directional. This is something that will get to my core.
I know this, the same way I knew about the pastor - the same way I knew this year was going to be a big year for my husband and I. It is unsettling.
More than ever, I'm on my guard. I'm both steeling myself against whatever might be coming my way because I know it will be big, as well as looking to find whatever clues might be hidden in even the most casual off-hand remarks. The signs are all there. Now I just have to wait to see what will be revealed. I'm both anxious and excited, because I have no idea how this will turn out. It wasn't a part of my plans at all. This is completely a God thing.
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